Well, today I was given a very unexpected reminder to not make assumptions when it comes to my kids.
As it stands, I don’t do it often. I don’t assume my kids have brushed their teeth when I just tell them to do it. I don’t assume they didn’t sneak a graham cracker when they’ve played hide and seek in the pantry. I don’t assume that the cat is just wailing for no reason when my son has accidentally cut off its air supply with his “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” hug around the neck.
I also forgot it was Toddler Yoga Thursday at my daughter’s pre-school. Again.
She was wearing a dress today. No worries. She had some cute panties on underneath her knee-length dress. Surely she’d just have to face her rear to the wall.
It was a typical morning- personal hygiene, waffle and peanut butter, water, shoes, out the door, strap-in, arrive at school before the late bell. I dropped off my daughter and headed to the gym fretting a little about having forgotten to put on her yoga pants this morning, or at least a pair of shorts under the dress.
I pulled into the gym and received a phone call from an unfamiliar number. The convo went like this:
Teacher: “Yes. Um. This is your daughter’s pre-school. Um. Your daughter cannot participate in yoga today.”
Me: “Oh! Because she’s wearing panties! I forgot about yoga- I meant to put shorts on underneath.”
Teacher: “Um. No.”
Me: “So, say again? What’s the problem?”
Teacher: “Well. Um. She can’t participate in yoga because she’s NOT wearing any panties.”
Me: “OH NO! I’ll be right there!”
The entire way back to the pre-school, the image of the point of discovery kept playing in my head.
My daughter in Downward Facing Dog Pose, her diaphanous dress draping gently over her head as her pale, white tooshie mooned the entire class.
I can imagine the teacher’s response.
“Oh, Dear. That IS unfortunate.”
They must have thought that.
At least that.
In case you’re wondering, here’s a pretty basic equation for you if you have a girl who does yoga regularly at school:
Please bear in mind that two days earlier, my daughter had come home from school for the 10th day in a row with her hair beautifully, but slightly unkempt, strewn around her face.
When I asked why she removed her ponytail holder every day, she told me it was because her boy-BFF and time-out partner in crime, thought it was beautiful down and that he took it out for her each day.
I’d been concerned for a bit, despite the indisputable cuteness of it all, about a potential early indicator of a lifetime of not just pleasing, but boy-pleasing. I know they’re innocent and four. But, I’ve hated ketchup and mayonnaise since I was four so I know some behaviors linger on.
I’d spent the last few days hoping her friend-pleasing hair-downness was a passing phase that wouldn’t stick, unlike my lifetime aversion to Thousand Island dressing.
So, my next thought, of course, was did her boy-BFF, or any other classmates, see her girly parts?
Did any little kids get a spy?
I pulled into the parking lot.
The teacher, rushed out. Upon seeing her, while holding the shorts I had stripped off of my unassuming and now half-naked toddler son, we both burst into laughter.
It was a crippling-almost-on-my-knees-in-the-parking-lot-laughter.
It was a both-of-us-crying-while-guffawing-laughter.
My best friend and president of the school PTA assures me that it was likely a school first.
Well, we’ve all gotta be good at something, I guess.
The teacher assured me that only she noticed my daughter’s bare parts when she glanced over during a revealing stretch. She’s pretty sure that no one else was the wiser. She had gone through my girl’s school bag which contains a spare outfit but did not find underwear.
It never contains underwear. It always contains, what else? A dress.
Dresses are simple, one-piece solutions that can cover up the fact that a kid’s not wearing any underwear- which is normally not an issue.
It’s not an issue, until your kid is in a circle of other kids and doing this:
I know what happened.
It’s happened a couple of times recently. My kid has adopted a new habit, in her newfound potty independence of taking care of business herself, of removing her undies completely.
She becomes engrossed in something like a puzzle, and the re-clothing of her nether areas doesn’t rank as high on the priority list as it should. I’ve been caught off-guard at least once, on the way to the park, in the past week.
I say, again, it’s not normally an issue.
I don’t make many assumptions, but I have always kind of relied on the one that, if I put my kids to bed with covered butts, that they get up and walk out the door with covered butts. Stupid me.
The bustle of the morning didn’t help me in the re-evalutation of my A.M. task list.
Now, I’ve got a new one:
- Teeth Brushed
- Hair Combed
- Clean Clothes
- School Bag
- Underwear. YES OR NO.
I was a little concerned that my daughter might have been somehow embarrassed by the incident in front of her peers. I have been reassured that it was all way above the heads of the kids who were too busy working on their Tree Pose to notice.
In the meantime, I’m sitting here, laughing like a mad woman, and lamenting the fact that, today, I receive the Not Mother Of The Year Award.
What’s your Not Mother Of The Year Award Story?
You’ve gotta have one, too.
I cannot be the only one who sucks this bad.
- Girl in Bridge Pose: http://yogawithsubhash.com/2011/02/01/yoga-for-kids/
- Undies: http://www.shopstyle.com/browse/toddler-girls-underwear
- Cartoon Yoga Image: http://www.playdateyakima.com/2009/12/?ec3_listing=posts