But They’re Not Like That With Your Husband….

We returned from our RV trip a few days ago.

I had some things to take care of and it was a great time for my husband to take the kid-reins for a spin.  He had some mailing to do and I had an appointment. I suggested he take the kids with him to mail his packages at the post office.

I think I knew what he might’ve been in for with a three and a five year old in a long line.line of people with packages at Post Office

My phone was dead.

I couldn’t be contacted.

It might have been by design.

A few hours after he and the kids departed the RV with those gigantic boxes that he needed to mail, I linked up with him.  He hadn’t been able to call me for three hours.

He looked pretty spent, frazzled even.

“How was it?” I asked.

“I couldn’t believe it,” he said.  “They were SOOOO bad!”

“No!  You’re kidding!”  I acted like I was genuinely surprised.  “What did they do?”

“Well, first I had to wait in a long line.  It was out the door.  I had these huge boxes so I couldn’t hold onto them.  They were running circles around the islands and the people!”

“No!” I said.

“They were throwing themselves on the floor!  They were screaming and squealing!  They were hitting each other.  THEY DID NOT LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TOLD THEM TO STOP!!!!”

“No!” I said.  “You’re kidding, right?”

“NO!  Wait, it gets better.  THEN, they started screaming, “I EAT POOP!  I EAT POOP!  ”

I started to laugh inside a lot but tried not to betray my internal glee by keeping up my befuddled poker face.

“THEN, they started walking up to strangers, laughing, and calling them “Poo Poo Heads!”  He went on, “I was apologizing to all of them, and I assured all the customers that our children do NOT, in fact, eat feces.”

I let out a smile.

“NO, WAIT!  Then, our son started running around again. And he started screaming,
MY NECK IS PEE’IN!  MY NECK IS PEE’IN!!!”   My husband’s voice inflection was rising to show his exasperation.

“They were UNBEARABLE!!!  I couldn’t do anything.  I was in line and I had those friggin’ huge packages.  It was like they knew I couldn’t do anything.  They were little tyrants.  I couldn’t believe it.”

I shook my head and started to laugh.

“The only good thing is that a lot of the people in line with me had kids and they told me it was normal.   I just don’t know what got into them today.”

That’s when I broke the news to Dad.

That’s not abnormal, Man.

A toddler and a pre-schooler that stand quietly in a post office line without so much as a flick of an over-priced Hallmark card or a jingle of some goofy US Post Office key chain on the merchandise rack is not the teeming norm.

I can’t count the times that people have told me at gymnastics, or the library, or at Starbucks that “…your son behaves so well when he’s with his father.  It’s like he’s a totally different kid when he’s with you.”

That’s because my son would be swiping chocolate milks at Starbucks, raising and closing shutters, banging on windows, or jumping on the pleather couch when he’s with me.  He’s the one running circles around the gym when other kids are dutifully stretching at Mommy & Me.  He’s the one beating the ground and others with maracas like a drum when other kids are gently shaking them to the Alligator Song during story time.

But, apparently, he’s Mr. Compliant when he’s with my hubby, so I hear.

I hear it from my hubby, “He doesn’t do that when he’s with me.”

I hear it from others, “He doesn’t do that with your hubby.”

Hearing these things usually generates an intense desire to inflict some sort of morbid violence on the commenter.

My theory is that, now that I’m a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and the kids are with me most of their waking moments, that a special new familiarity exists that has manifested in the form of constant pushing of the behavior envelope.

That may be way off and it doesn’t matter if it is.  I just found it very interesting that the kids seem to act up more around dad when dad is around them more on vacation.

All I know is that my manly, testosterone-infused, non-passive-aggressive husband actually uttered the words, “They were so bad, I could have cried.”

Ahhh.  The sweet release of vindication through pain-forged experience.

I guess at the end of it all, once the packages were mailed and they were leaving the post office, our daughter asked my husband, “Daddy, were we good?”

And his response was a very loud, “NO!!!!!!!!”

I hear that got a good chuckle from the post office workers and the customers.

At least it wasn’t all bad.  Folks got a good laugh out of it.

And being able to laugh about this stuff is about the only thing that can get us back into a post office line with small kids, Mom or Dad.

We’d all do well to remember that our kids are bright.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s mom or dad on duty.  It’s about circumstance.

When you’re stuck in a line with packages the size of your body that have to be mailed by a deadline, it is party time, people.  It is party time.

You should just start apologizing to folks as you walk through the door.

 

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 Image Credit:  US Post Office Line  http://blog.uspsoig.gov/?p=2622

 

 

 


47 Responses to But They’re Not Like That With Your Husband….

  1. oh my gosh, that is too funny! My kids are the same way with my and my husband, except my husband refuses to take all 3 kids out by himself. if only it were that easy. LOL

    • We’ve only got the 2 boys, but my husband won’t take them both out at the same time either. “It’s too hard to manage them both at once,” he says. Apparently it doesn’t occur to him that I don’t have that option.

      Hold on, let me just put on my Superwoman costume.

  2. Bwahahahahaha! I laughed so much at this — yes, it really is funny because it’s true. :)

    I loved the line: “Ahhh. The sweet release of vindication through pain-forged experience.” So familiar, and so glee-inducing.

    I always get a thrill when I leave my husband with the boys for a few hours and I get home to him saying, “I’m so glad you’re home! They just didn’t stop! Big Brother wanted attention ALL THE TIME! Even when I told him I was busy. And when I told him to play by himself, he dropped toys all over the floor, and then Baby started crying, and I told Big Brother to pick up the toys, but he just wandered off, and then I yelled at him and he cried, and that made Baby cry more and I couldn’t make him stop, and then the phone rang, and while I was distracted Baby crawled off and tipped the rubbish bin over and started putting used tissues in his mouth and Big Brother turned on the TV even though I’d told him he wasn’t allowed to, and I couldn’t do anything because I was trying to talk on the phone, and… are they like this with you?”

    And I just pat him reassuringly on the cheek and say, “No, Honey. They’re much worse. You got off easy.”

    • There you go again, Jo- The way you ended your comment is really how I should have ended my blog post. It’s perfect! haha!

  3. I gotta admit I’m laughing a lot inside and outside, I laugh at all daddy-vindication-situations, but this one is so unfair, that is horrible, I hate the post office even with older kids,I couldn’t take it, not EVEN if I’m ALONE! This is bad, and with all those packages covering your face you can’t even give the kids a stink-eye or “you’re gonna get it” look.

    • Victoria- I did feel a little badly for him. That had to be the most miserable, helpless situation. haha! Poor guy- My kids are awesome, though. I look at their complete disregard for our authority in situations like that as “unbridled spirit”. :)

  4. This made me laugh so hard!!! I have had craziness at the post office too. I think there should be a drive thru post office. I could keep them all in their seats. My husband does not believe I know where the post office is b/c I rarely go there. LOL But you are right about them acting different with dad. My husband will take the kids out together with no problem but with I would rather just do short trips places.

    • A drive-through post office, Kasey??? That is genius!!!!!! Do you know I would pay extra just to do that? I’d give your husband some time. Let him take all the kids and do what you do for a week alone and I’m sure he’ll be singing the same blues as mine. They wait you out and then they hit you when you’re down. :)

  5. I’m shocked, Tricia. Our kids never would have done this. Except for the time my youngest screamed for my wife to pick him up. She said he was to heavy, and he yelled out – in the commissary, no less – “Is it because my penis is SO BIG!!”

    Nice, gotta love kids.

  6. Really, I have to stop myself from calling people poo-poo heads sometimes. Especially at the post office. Nothing can make us remember how to enjoy laughter like a kid can. Funny, funny post, Tricia.

    • Andra- I agree. Sometimes, there are simply no other words. The post office, the DMV, and the ER- full of poo poo heads. :) Thanks for taking the time to read it, Andra!

  7. Hahaha…. Thanks for sharing. I was begining to think I was the only one with wild kids this season! All my to be mailed packages were late because I wouldn’t suffer the lines with my kids! :) Brave hubby!

    • Jamie- You are definitely NOT the only with wild kids. Although, I kind of like the idea of wild kids. It means they’re spunky. :) And it’s always funny in hindsight. :)

  8. I laughed – I had the toddler that at gymnastics runs around and doesn’t do anything he was supposed to do but got tutted at and told I was a bad mothers so we (J included decided to leave and never come back again – he dragged me out of the room the following week). I also have the behave amazingly with my husband and he’s yet to have the normal behaviour that I get… but now I wait for that day

    • Cerys- I had an instructor make a comment once and I threatened to blog bad things about her. haha! I think it’s all in how we look at it. I don’t expect my 2 or 3 year old to be docile and stretch on command for lengthy periods so I don’t get too upset about it. :) Too bad you and I couldn’t be in a Mommy and Me class together, Cerys!

  9. Love it when the daddys get it! I almost died reading @Michael Monaghan’s comment….too funny! My daughter has busted out saying “Daddy’s got a big old butt!” in the WORST situations. I honestly have no idea where she’s learned that phrase because I never taught it to her. And oh, the glee those little buggers experience when they say things like “I’ll have some chicken with poo poo sauce” to people. :-)

    • I know, Chrissy! Mike’s comments are funny and so is his blog! That is comical about your daughter! I guess it could be worse- She could sing, “Mama’s Got Back!” hahahaha! My husband was just saying about the “poo poo” comments that everything is about poo poo thses days. The kids just think that’s the funniest word ever. :)

  10. I think I have even said to you “they don’t act like that when they are with your husband” Bahahaha! I know he never expected they would never behave that way with him! To bad you don’t have a video of that. lol.

    • Hmmm…that’s a thought. I might scream and run around and call people “poo poo” heads to see if I get faster service. But, I draw the line at telling people that I eat poop. Not doing that, Bridget. haha!

    • Thanks so much, Rebekah! I’ve been having that problem lately on FB, too! Thanks for the share and the comments! :)

  11. You had me laughing so hard, I think I ruptured my ailing spleen! You are THE master of Poker Face – honestly, if you must do a seminar on that.

    • Nami- I didn’t know you had a bad spleen! Is it from the beer? haha! My poker face is probably not as good as I think it is. And it doesn’t last very long. Normally, “I told you so” follows pretty quickly afterward. :)

    • Oh, Maryanne- I don’t know if I can keep up my poker face when my hubby asks questions like that for that many more years. hahahaha!

  12. Priceless! At our house, my girls act WORSE with their dad! They KNOW they can get over on him – whereas I am more of the disciplinarian. That does not change the fact that I relish every stressed out moment he has, haha! He seems to think it’s so easy to run errands with kids – I LOVE to convince my girls they want to go with him (sans Mom) so that he can see what it’s really like.

    Great post & BTW the whole inappropriate poo poo head, feces talk – my youngest lives to do that at the most inappropriate moments! The kid has it out for me, I swear! :)

    Bern

    • Bern- I’m always so relieved to hear other moms tell me their kids are obsessed with poop. Your poor hubby- your girls always look so well behaved in their photos! hahahaha!

  13. Hear hear Trish! Mikaela and Ayana Rhys acted like they owned the main aisle on the ship when on our way to dear husband’s place. My chagrined when they decided to play “monsters” scaring each other off and then switched to “frogs” and crawling and leaping on the dirty floor and then alternately running about without SHOES/SLIPPERS on! with the main traffic of passengers on the center aisle! When you tell them to stop, it’s like saying loud and clear that they have your 100% support on their activities. It is crazy!

    • Haha, Ava! You should have blogged that story!!!!! Kids are the best, though. Seriously, I love this stuff. Wish you had a video of that ship trip. :)

  14. This was hilarious! loved it!

    My five year old recently announced at a crowded check out line that he had SHARTED….and my three year old said “you stink” just to get baby to start saying “tinky, tinky,tinky” while holding her nose…gotta love those moments!

    Will be sharing it in my sunday sharing this week if you don’t mind!!

    • Oh My Goodness, Mudpie Mama– You just taught me a new word and I intend to use it in the near future. haha! I love that!!!! I would love it if you would share it and I can’t wait to check your blog out! :)

    • Angel- Thanks for reading- I’m behind on my blog visits. Need to catch up! Sending your hubby to the post office with kids is cruel. :)

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