It is not a secret that I loathe laundry.
Many of my friends do a load a day, whistling while they toil, a tune of happy laundering. These people are “Laundry Over-Achievers“.
I have other friends who are simply laundry “Achievers“. They manage to pump out a load or two every few days. Good for you.
Yet, other friends who fall into the more contemptuous category of laundry “Under-Achievers” might muster but a single load a week.
Me? I fall into my own miserable category of “Complete and Utter Laundry Failure”.
I manage to live up to this moniker every two weeks, and sometimes longer, depending on how much clean underwear we have in the house.
Laundering success in this home abides by the sacred…
Marginal Rule of Underwear Availability
The more underwear we all have results in an inversely proportional likelihood that I will wash more. The less we all have increases the likelihood exponentially.
This Rule is inexorably accompanied by the following…
First Laundry Absolute
When any one person is absolutely out of underwear, I will absolutely do laundry after that person proves it to me first.
This is followed by the…
Second Laundry Absolute
If the person lacking clean underwear is ME, I will absolutely do laundry IMMEDIATELY.
And it just so follows that….
We all have A LOT of underwear.
Before you go on judging me (Yes. You Are.), you should understand that it’s not that I don’t wash laundry regularly.
It is moreso that I don’t COMPLETE my laundry regularly. I wash and dry it pretty routinely, actually.
But, it usually ends up in a rapidly accumulating, tipping mountain of clean clothing.
This is not all bad.
I have found that my lack of laundering initiative has sparked a remarkable potential to unleash the magic and power of essential Child Play.
I could explain, but I’d rather my photos demonstrated this point. I dare you to disagree with me. The photos offer indisputable evidence of the benefits I’m imparting to my children through hefty piles of clean clothing on my bedroom floor. Behold:
Laundry Piles encourage athleticism.
You witness daring feats of strength and climbing when the kids play “King Of The Laundry Hill”.
Laundry Piles enable development of fine eyesight acuity and discernment of small things amidst larger, varied things.
This has been proven in games like “I Spy”-
as in, “I Spy a Little Boy In My Laundry Pile”.
Laundry Piles encourage development of a sense of civic duty and humanitarianism.
Note how my son is rescuing the miniature people drowning in our socks and t-shirts from his makeshift rescue helicopter landing pad.
Laundry Piles encourage Imaginative Play.
One morning, it was really cold in our house. So our daughter hopped out of bed and grabbed something. She wrapped it around her knees and yelled,
“I have knee warmers!”
Don’t think that it’s not lost on me that if I were to ever stop blogging about how much I need do my laundry that I might actually do it.
To that, I proffer the following:
1) Blogging is more fun (and look at you, reading this, instead of doing laundry), and….
2) We’re still good for at least another two days according to my First Absolute.
So, what other uses can you think of for our growing laundry piles?