People that are familiar with Montessori Classrooms have heard of “The Peace Table”.
The Peace Table is part of “The Peace Curriculum”. Andrea Coventry, a Montessori Writer, describes the peace table as a “safe place” where children can come and discuss their problems and to resolve conflict”.
Our 4 and a half year old daughter has started a formal Montessori curriculum. Our 3 year old son has not started at the school yet. But, we use the Peace Table at home now that he is old enough to articulate and respond.
Before anyone scoffs at the method, I want to relay some stories about how we’ve used The Peace Table.
One day, we were in the McDonald’s Play Area. The newest one in our city has a state of the art set-up: an arts and crafts section, musical wall pianos, climbing apparati, tower slides and a wall of video touch screen video games.
It was inevitable that amongst the entire wall of video games, my two kids would be fighting over the same 2 inches of touch screen. The screaming, pushing, shoving and hitting ensued. And, I said, “That’s it! To The Peace Table!”
Our daughter knew what to do.
She walked over to one of the McDonald’s tables. Our son watched her.
She informed me that there was no bell to start the Peace Talk.
So, I asked her to ring an imaginary bell.
And here’s what happened.
She held her fingers up and rang an imaginary bell and said “dingalingaling!”
“Brudder! You made me mad when you DID NOT wait your turn!”
Our son said, “I made you mad???”
And she responded, “Yes! Because you did not wait your turn!”
He said, “I didn’t wait my turn? I’m sowwweeeee….”
And then… “It’s okay, Brudder. I forgive you. Let’s share!”
Some of the moms sitting next to me watched the whole thing. I’m sure they thought it was a bit nutty that I made my kids do that. But, even they had surprised looks on their faces when they saw how it ended.
Fast forward to a few days ago. In our play room, a similar fight ensued.
My husband hadn’t seen The Peace Table Negotiations yet.
When the kids started to fight, I asked our daughter to invite her brother to the Peace Table.
She said, “Wait!”
She grabbed a metal bowl from her play kitchen and a wooden spatula. She turned the bowl upside down so she could signal the start of the “Peace Talk”.
She banged the bowl with the spatula.
And, the talks began.
My husband was astounded at the result. I have to admit that it surprises me every time it works. It kind of tickles me, too.
The morning after our kids’ United Nations style conflict-resolution, I awoke hastily because we had overslept. We were going to be late for school.
I stumbled into the bathroom. Aw C’MON!
I stumbled into another bathroom. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I went downstairs to the other bathroom. WHAT THE????I stormed upstairs, running late, having wasted precious minutes on a scavenger hunt for toilet paper .
I did what all of us indignant wives do who bear the burden of “official toilet paper roll changer”.
I proceeded to bark at my husband for not ever changing the toilet paper rolls.
He gave me some typical husband excuses as to why he might not notice they needed to be changed. I won’t go into them. I’m sure you’ve fought the same battles.
I barked as we pulled up socks, brushed teeth, and brushed hair. And I barked some more as we stuffed sandwiches in our kids’ mouths.
And do you know what our daughter said?
“Mom. You should invite Dad to the Peace Table.”
And we didn’t go to the peace table.
My husband and I looked at each other.
And we laughed.
The reminder was enough to cut the conflict.
I should note that my husband is really a fantastic guy. He does things like the dishes.
I cook. He does the dishes.
This is a wonderful, symbiotic relationship.
The only thing I hate doing more than laundry is dishes.
Plus, he is really artistic and handy.
He is in the process of tearing down and building his motorcycle from the frame up.
He is cutting his own handlebars, welding them, bending metal, shaving it, sanding it, wrapping it…He is literally constructing his vision piece by piece.
My husband just called me downstairs to show me his newest creation.
He made a bracket that was flush (that is motorhead-speak for “even with something”) with his motorcycle frame. He did it by cutting down a steel bar, cranking it between the hinges of our gun safe and sanding it down with his bare hands. He was so proud.
“Look at what I made? I MADE that. With my BARE HANDS!”
And I was impressed, indeed.
I couldn’t help myself. I said….
“So what you are saying is….You ARE CAPABLE of replacing a toilet paper roll?”
I’m sorry, I can’t finish this post.
I’m about to the ring Peace Drum.
The things our kids teach us….It really is amazing.
Have your kids taught you any good lessons lately?
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Image Credits:
Mcdonald’s Booth: http://www.furnituretablechair.com/Productsdetails/McDonalds-Table-Chair-1987.html
Toilet Paper Roll: http://www.paystolivegreen.com/2010/04/dont-throw-out-empty-toilet-paper-rolls/
Ha, ha! I laugh, although in my house, I’m usually the one who uses the last of the TP and fails to replace it. The Peace table is a great idea – we’ll have to see if it works on stubborn boys, stubborn dad and equally stubborn mommies.
Nami- It really works- We had to do it again tonight- There’s a little ADHD at times, but it works out so much more civilly in the end!!!
It’s definitely worth a try – probably have better results than the Rose Crystal Feng Shui my mother made me set up.
By the way, you have a mission. Blame Kim. Ha, ha! http://namzola.blogspot.com/2012/02/mission-impossible.html
Oh no, Nami!!! Another mission! haha! Thanks! I’ve never tried rose crystal feng shui or meditation….But I’m learning through your blog!
Love this idea! Totally trying it out at our house!
And, of course, you cracked me up at the end!
Megan- I hope it works for you- Don’t be surprised if the kids are a little “ADHD” at first about it- it takes a little bit to get them used to the structure of it- but we diffused an ugly battle even tonight with it!
that’s a good idea! I’m going to have to try that out with my kids. They fight about EVERYTHING!
Johanna- I hope it works for you, too! I may post a video to my facebook wall showing a peace negotiation I recorded! haha!
Beside giggling and giggling, I am LOVING this peace table! Wow. Thank you, I hope it works as well for us as you. I’m sure it wont be long before I can try!
Helen- I’m so glad you enjoyed the post- And the peace table really works for us. I hope it works for you, too!
I love this post! And the concept. And the way your write. And the pictures of the toilet paper. We need a Peace table for everybody in this house. We are really the worst over here.
btw, if your husband also irons, I am going to cry…
Absence…nope- hubby doesn’t iron! But, neither do I! haha! Thanks for the visit!
What a great story. I love the idea of a Peace Table. Considering my youngest isn’t old enough to talk yet, the boys don’t really argue. But I’ve always encouraged my son to talk about his feelings. I was both intensely proud and mortified when he was 2 years old and he said to me, “Mummy, I’m feeling ver frustrated with you right now because you said you were going to play with me and you keep looking at your computer.”
Also — men and toilet roll holders. Why is it so hard for them??
Jo-
Mine managed to fight without being able to speak! But, I’ve noticed that this only works when they are both able to speak to each other. I tried it at a younger age and it didn’t work. But, I’ve also found that it’s more the concept of the peace table. We’ve stopped ugly fights in their tracks after hitting has started and tears are flowing and started the discussion. And, yes- men and toilet holders? Gah!!!!
Great story! I’m glad your kids are learning such valuable skills. But seriously…what’s with not replacing the toilet paper roll?
Bridget- I don’t know. I think it’s in the DNA.
I hope it wasn’t passed to my kids. 
Kids are just too smart! I can’t ever catch up! I’ve decided my best parenting approach is just to listen when that little 2-year-old life guru babbles
Kids are! Oh- I bet your peace table talks would be hilarious, Tori!
This is a great idea. I only have one child, but I plan to implement a Peace Table in order to prevent epic war between parents and boy.
Sigers- That is not a bad plan. If I could just remember the Peace Table when I get annoyed by someone….
Rofl. I think I might love you. Is that creepy? I think it might be. I don’t mean it in a creepy way.. I should probably delete this whole comment because I had plans of it ending with the first two sentences.. and then I started rambling. But I’m going to hit “Post comment” anyways and hope for the best.
Haha, Joyce- Not creepy at all. The English Language is ridiculously limited when it comes to the various meanings of Love…I take it in a very innocuous, “I might love you in a very bloggy way”….haha! In that regard, your love is requited.
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Oh, lord, we are ALWAYS getting reminded of our behavior around here!
Yes, Laine- Our kids are good mirrors of our mistakes. Every Day.
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Awesome … I love the “moving peace table” and the way your kids have internalized the concept! The quote you linked as me is actually by Andrea Coventry. I just added your post link to my Montessori-Inspired Peace Education Activities at http://livingmontessorinow.com/2012/01/19/montessori-inspired-peace-education-activities/
Thanks, Deb! I’ll make the attribution change!Super excited to see you’ve added it to your Peace Ed activities! Yay! Thank you!
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It was fun to revisit your post! I added both your photo and post to my peace corner post today: http://livingmontessorinow.com/2013/01/21/montessori-monday-how-to-prepare-a-peace-corner/
Thank you, Deb! love your post- so appropriate for MLK day!