My husband is awesome.

He’s a great dad and husband.

This is all not to say that he is perfect.

One perfect parent should be enough, right?

In no particular order, here are the things I’m sooooo glad he (we) taught our kids….

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The Term “Nuggets”

To understand the context, you can go here.   I’ll just say that the term “nugget” caused our children a little bit of confusion at a fast food establishment when we ordered our first Happy Meals.  As in “we’re gonna eat WHAT?”  to which we answered, “No.  No. What we are about to feed you is just as gross but it’s not what you think.”

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How To Recharge a Glock 9mm Firearm

It’s a toy but it’s just like the real thing- with an attachable sound-like-the-real-thing-silencer.  :)

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The Beastie Boys

I got into the truck one day, and I heard my kids in the backseat jamming.  My husband was in the front seat a’bopping to the rhythm with them.

“Brass Monkey!

That Funky Monkey!

Brass Monkey Onkey!

That Funky Monkey! Onkey!”

I remember looking at my husband in disbelief.  How in the world did he determine that our 3 and 5 year olds should be introduced to such an unexplainably popular, logically incoherent, eighties pseudo-rap by the Beastie Boys?

He thought it was just hilarious.

He thought it was hilarious until our daughter reminded him of her penchant for off-the-cuff rhyming.  I won’t go into some of her unintentional rhymes.  Use your imagination.  When the pre-school teachers come a’calling about it, my beloved Beastly Boy will do the explaining.

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The Banana Fana Fo Song

This song can be pretty innocent.  Everyone sings it.  It’s kind of a rite of passage and how great is it that we, the parents, can be the bequeather of this wondrous lyric of our own nostalgic childhoods?   I just said, “Honey.  Just don’t do Chuck.”  He agreed.

It didn’t take long for our oldest to master the song.

John Bo Bohn Banana Fana Fo Fohn, Me My Mohn, John!

I don’t know if it was because he thought it would be funny, or because he’d forgotten, or because he was being very literal…..but he did it.  He couldn’t help himself.  He threw out….

Buck

And here’s the next one….

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Pull My Finger?

For the love of methane-free air particles, the answer to this question must always be an emphatic “NO”.  In fairness to my hubby, I will tell you that this gem was relayed not by my husband, but by his very classy older brother.  I still blame my husband for passing on this shared genetic material to my children.

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The Other Meaning of Juice

This isn’t such an egregious violation, but it does kind of make for interesting moments.  When our kids are talking to people about why something isn’t running properly or if a thing is inexplicably broken, both of our kids refer to that dysfunctional state as….

“It doesn’t work.  It’s outta juice.”

They sound like middle aged Brooklyn mechanics.

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How To Resolve Conflict

Yes.  I posted recently about our Peace Table negotiations.  These have been moderately successful at our home.  We found this out after our children modeled their conflict management skills after my husband’s response to a couple of rude drivers who cut us off on the highway and then rolled down their windows with a single-digit vulgarity sticking out the window.  

“YEAH!  WELL, YOU CAN KISS MY BUTT!”  Good one, hon.  The kids were shouting that one all the way home.  I think we’ve got this one under control with the introduction of the peace drum.  Neither one of them has said that….in a long time.  :)

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Roger That

It’s happened a few times already that we’ve given our nearly 5 year old daughter instructions to put her toys away, or get her coat, or to help her brother.  Somehow, she picked up my husband’s tendency to answer in military jargon.

It is pretty cute to hear a little girl bark back, “ROGER THAT, DAD!”

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About The Beer

And my husband has the kids well trained.  When they accompany me in the super market and I’m about to make my way to that blessed, wrap-around grocery check-out line after our 3 hour visit, my 3 year old son says, “Did you forget Dad’s beer?”

He knows that his dad enjoys a nice, cold, custom brew when he gets home before he sits in his recliner to take a load off or gets out into the garage to hammer on that motorcycle.   Seriously, if it weren’t for that kid, I’d forget half the time.

Speaking of beer, WHO taught my kids that Toby Keith song, “RED SOLO CUP”??????????

It’s catchy and our little girl runs around the house singing it all day long.  It’s her wake-up anthem to us.

“RED SOLO CUP!!!!

YYYYYOOOOOUUUU FILL ME UP!!!!!  

LET’S HAVE A PARTEEEEEEE!!!!!  

LET’S HAVE A PARTEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

OH!!!!”

We don’t take credit for that Failure.  If you are the culprit and you’re reading this, YOU ARE FIRED.

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More Colorful Language

Oh,  and check out this You Tube Video   of our daughter at 19 months, or something like that.  ONE of us had a habit of dropping things and then subsequently blurting a common expletive to express our instant and surprised dismay.  It took us a couple of months to come out of denial that she was, in fact, saying that which it sounded like she was saying……

Oh, wait a minute.  She learned that from ME, now that I think about it.

Aw, well…

Nobody’s perfect.

What’s your imperfect parenting confession?