Flushing a Spoon…

For the love of all that is dry and hygienic…

Here is my advice to you, Folks.

Do not ever flush a plastic spoon, spork, fork or any eating utensil- down a toilet.

Oh?

How did I gain this life lesson empirically?

Well, here you go-  another colossal parenting screw-up for your reading pleasure.

No, really-  it’s MY pleasure, People.

I’d rather laugh about it than go BACK downstairs to the front desk and ask for them to HAND ME the communal (as in “singular” and “one and only”) toilet plunger (wrapped in a wet, plastic shopping bag) in this three story hotel we’re staying in.

AGAIN.

Let me begin anew.

We’re on holiday.  We’ve been so for the last approximately 15 days.

We’ve got about another 15 more to go in this room- which is really very lovely were it not for the constantly flooding toilet.

I cannot really blame the hotel for the toilet or their lack of responsiveness.

I haven’t been completely honest with them about it-  and by that, I mean, that I haven’t told them any lies but I’ve maybe withheld a couple of details….

Like the tiniest detail that on the very first morning of our stay, that I fed the kids bowls of oatmeal and went to dump the excess milk into the toilet just as my son cried in pain for having jammed his big toe for the first time on a bed post (OW!) and didn’t realize that a plastic spoon had fallen into the toilet.

When I went to wash both spoons, I had only one- and the other one must have slipped deep into the toilet tunnel.  The weak coriolis effect was my second clue and the increasingly clogging toilet was the third that it was up there.

Since that time, each flush has turned into a prayer that the toilet would not overflow.

And every few days, it would.

And we would summon the plunger- that, at first, the hotel front desk would send up.  We were happy to take it, because this was our fault.  (Or, possibly more accurately- MY fault).

And yesterday, we had an exciting morning.  Our daughter, doing her business, exclaimed excitedly that she had pooped out a plastic spoon!

Whoah!  I ran into the bathroom!  15 days later, that spoon had made its way back down the pipes and its head was visible at the bottom of the reservoir!

I pulled our daughter off and decided that this was the time to pull it out!

But, first things first!

What should I use?

My bare hands and arms?

This was a soiled toilet.

Nah-  No need!

I had a closet full of hangers and lots of plastic shopping bags!

I ran around the corner and grabbed a hanger and punched my arms down into a couple of empty Macy’s bags.

I was ready to retrieve the pipe-clogging culprit sitting down there in a most unheavenly pile of stuff!

I rounded the corner like a crazed jackal about to pounce on a baby caribou…

…and arrived just in time to see my son proudly standing there as he flushed that M&^%$# #*&$^&#%^ spoon back up into the plumbing.

That was a hearty flush.

One that we hadn’t heard for two weeks.  And likely will not hear, again.

He said,

“I Fwuthed da Thpoon!”

No kidding.

You don’t say.

There I was-  standing there with Macy’s bags up to my elbows holding an upside down hanger and nowhere to go.

Too late.

Too late to beat the Fathesth Fwuther in the Wetht.

And here I sit- 24 inches away and separated by a thin wall from an overflowed toilet.

AGAIN.

Look, I’d switch rooms-

I know what you’re thinking.

But, I’m a woman on a mission now.

I’m the modern-day version of a female Captain Ahab.

And that spoon-  it’s my Moby Dick.

I’m gonna get that Suckah.

Or is this plumbing fiasco REALLY MY FAULT??????

I mean, Eisenhower had the foresight to program 1 mile for every 5 of our interstate system to be flat and straight to accommodate war plane landings.

A hotel plumbing engineer should surely have built spoon-length curves into the system knowing that people in hotels would overwhelmingly be using plastic utensils that might accidentally drop  into a toilet.

I mean, C’mon!

So….Maybe we WILL switch rooms tomorrow!

AFTER, I complain about the horrible plumbing in this joint.

:)

But seriously,

DON’T EVER FLUSH A SPOON.

BUT IF YOU DO, AND IT COMES BACK TO YOU,

JUST GO FOR IT, MAN.

JUST GO FOR IT.

 

 

****************UPDATE!!! UPDATE!!!!UPDATE!!!!************* 

 WHO’S OUR HERO?  WHO’S THE MAN?

LUIS!

HE GOT THAT SPOON OUT OF THE CAN!!!!!

LOVE THIS GUY, TODAY AND FOREVER!

THANK YOU, LUIS!!!!!

 

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55 Responses to Flushing a Spoon…

    • I can’t like, Stacy- I was a little scared to go for it- but the toilet is still clogged. Ugh. :)

  1. Really. I’m laughing with you. Actually I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. It was just a chuckle until your son fwuthed da thpoon!!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    • Tyuana- My son- Even this morning, I told him- don’t flush the toilet and I said, “y’know why?” and he said it again. “Yep. I fwuthed da thpoon!” hahahahaha!

  2. I honestly feel your determination; your son meant well. As for overflowing toilets, my daughter (now 35) fell in when she was about 15 mos old or so, AFTER A NICE POOPY. Talk about a hysterical child and a big mess for Mom. Aren’t they adorable. YUCKO. Enjoy the rest of your vacation. :o)

  3. You are a brave soul for sharing this story. HA! You reminded me of the time that my son flushed a plastic toy of some sort down the toilet. We lived in a trailer park in Georgia and they wound up having to replace the toilet. Back then it only cost me 50.00 but that was 50.00 more than we could afford at that time. My son was a very young boy and I know he did not mean to do it. Such fun…. Yes, enjoy the rest of your vacation.

    • Aw man, James- I hadn’t thought about possibly having ruined the toilet, but the more comments I read, the more I wonder if that’s what happened! Thanks for sharing your story and that must be one tough time to get through for you guys!

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    • Amber- Yes, I will remember that going to the potty was full of all kinds of fear. and clean-up. hahaha!

  5. Great story! You are a great momma, just not a great hotel guest! My brother used to flush everything he could get his hands on down the toilet, drove my mother crazy! Thanks for sharing!

    • Jen- Yes- The WORST hotel guests, EVER!!!!!! haha! now, I show my son the clogged toilet and explain why and hope it will dissuade him from throwing anything else in- but I realized that might actually encourage him! :)

    • Susan- I’m so glad! All the comments made my spirits lift, too! I actually thought this post was gonna be a lost post since I’d already kind of posted the humor post for the week- but there’s been so much cool feedback on it- Very thankful. Glad it made you laugh!

  6. Luckily (unlucky for him sometimes) my husband is a plumber so I play the part of confused by plumbing housewife often. When machoman comes into the bathroom to save the day, I hightail it outta there as fast as I can snickering on my way ;) muahahahaha! BTW don’t let that spoon win!

    • Man, my hubby is handy but not with plumbing issues. How lucky are you, Aleacia???????? The spoon is still winning. Drat.

  7. I LOVED reading this! I’m sorry that I took so much pleasure in your toilet troubles! But this was seriously hilarious. Even though you were pouring out, I think this shows us why they invented the old saying: Don’t eat where you crap. Or is it don’t crap where you eat? I think both are pretty good rules of thumbs.

    • Seriously- don’t eat where you crap. hahhahahahahahahahaha! That made me crack up over here!!!!!!!! And it is soooooo true, Russ!!!!

  8. Great post! When I was a kid my younger sister (I think she was 2 at the time) flushed a tooth brush down the toilet. I remember my Dad just going for it. He wasn’t able to get it out and ended up having to take the toilet off the floor.

  9. You truly are a Saint. I would’ve switched rooms the moment the spoon went snorkeling! My husband did plumbing work with his grandpa and even he can’t do clogged toilets. Good luck the rest of the trip.

    • Nami- I guess I never thought it would be this catastrophic. I would have taken it out as soon as I realized it was in there if I could have seen it- but it went UP there without even a flush! That darn thing has become a nemesis and I just didn’t want anyone else to have to deal with it until I could get it out. But, here we are- Day 16. And no flushing. hahaha!

    • Monko- Thank you- I’m always surprised when others find things I find funny, funny. But, it makes me very happy, indeed. :)

  10. tricia, i still can’t tell you how stinkin’ hilarious i think this is! but at the same time, i’m cringing for you. i’ve read this 3 times today and still laugh!

    • Andie- Thank you so much for sharing it yesterday! I am so thrilled that it made you laugh! That’s just a huge goal of mine and a blogger never knows if something like this will translate. You made my day, my bloggy friend! Loved your post on the UK swap with Make, Do & Friend!

    • Vicky- You make a good point!!!!! And, I seriously cannot believe it, either!!!! This morning, still clogged!!!! Day 16!!!! I wish it would just break, already! I may have to do a sponsored post for this brand of flatware and I can cite this post about the intense tensile strength of the stuff. This is RIDICULOUS! hahaha!

    • Laura- That is the truth- The kids make us crazy. What’s that famous quote? Insanity is heriditary…you get it from your kids? Who said that? :) Thanks for the comment!

    • Oh, Tori- Seriously? No way. I’m about to put on a scuba suit and dive in for the darn thing. I’m tired of not flushing. Do you know how gross that is? hahahahahaa! Thanks for stopping by, Mrs. Nelson! :)

    • Journey of Life- You’re welcome! I wasn’t even sure anyone would read this silly post- but, I’m so glad you did- it made my day! :) Have a great weekend!

    • Great news! The spoon is out!!!!! It took a 5 foot plumbing snake and an expert, but he got it today! Woot! Thanks for the comment, Alissa!

    • JDaniel4′s Mom- It really could happen to any of us- and probably has to most of us!!!! haha!

    • Maryanne- if this has taught us anything, it is that you can’t underestimate how damaging any little thing is in the plumbing or how tough it is- and you really can’t foresee what your kids are going to put flush down a toilet! :)

  11. Oh my gosh this is hilarious! Great writing and sharing of the story. I cannot even imagine dealing with an overflowing toilet in a hotel bathroom! Yuck.

    • Bridget- It’s actually more like 90 days! Imagine getting out of Alaska during the worst snow spell! That’s how Laredo is in the Summer!

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