It’s Hard To Be A Domestic Heroine…

If anyone has wondered why posts have been few and far between over the Summer, the answer lies somewhere between the zoo, the museums, the parks and the family we’ve been happily bouncing between on vacation.

But,there might have been a few other events that hindered more frequent posting.  And those reasons might have centered on some domestic challenges.  And, for once, I’m not talking about my dislike of laundry.

Take this, for instance.

That would be the kitchen floor in  my sister’s condo where I stayed for 4 days to babysit while she was away at a conference.

Did you know that if you can’t find the dishwasher detergent, that dishwashing liquid is NOT a good substitute?

ME, NEITHER!

Or, take this example:

That would be my other sister’s oven after I turned on the self-cleaning cycle.

I didn’t clean the grates of dripped angel food cake before turning it on.

Did you know that once the self-cleaning cycle starts, that you can’t unlock the oven door?

ME, NEITHER!!!

We figured that out as the smoke billowed from the oven and we watched in horror as each of the angel food cake glops reached flash point and burst into unholy flames.

The oven had turned into an un-openable fire place.

The best part?

As we ran out of the house, I yelled, “I’ve  got the kids!”

My other sister yelled, “I’ve got the dogs!”

And my other sister yelled, “I’ve got the cake!”

My middle sister had been eating leftover birthday cake modeled after a Girl Scout Samoa cookie

The recipe is totally awesome and was quite a bit of work.  I have to admit- It really would have been a shame to lose it.

Thankfully, the fire put itself out after a few minutes.

We re-entered the house once the orange glow in the oven window subsided.

But, then I was met with a new and very pressing challenge.

The velcro on our son’s capes was worn out and he was very upset about it.

So, I bought stick-on velcro.

That stuff doesn’t work.

And, I don’t sew.

So, this has been a great solution.

Fast forward to a rainy night where our daughter asked to have a “Thunderstorm Party where we make sugar cookies shaped like stars”.

We’re not at home and I had no cookie cutters.

So, we improvised.

Yes.  Mom of the Year used a red solo cup to make notional “sunburst” shaped cookies with her pre-schoolers.

And, yes.  They both belted Toby Keith’s “RED SOLO CUP!  YOU FILL ME UP!  LET’S HAVE A  PARTEEE!!!!!  LET’S HAVE A PARTEEE!!!!” throughout the whole process.

Remember that birthday cake my sister saved from the oven fire I started?

Here’s a pic from a few days earlier where we cut it at a Korean restaurant celebrating my dad’s birthday.

Please note the re-usable plastic containers on the table.

I grabbed those on the way out of the house to be sure we wouldn’t be eating the cake out of our hands at the restaurant.  Classy!

But, guess what?

I’ve learned something recently-

My lack of domestic skills is not really my fault.

It has proven to be hereditary.

Here I am about to blow out my birthday candles in the Costco cake my parents brought over and kept in the box.

Not that I minded….It tasted just the same to me.

But, another day, I went to my parent’s house and found this- a nifty solution to channeling lamp light.

And, when my dad drove the kids one day, I found he had set them up with their own DVD shows…see the mailing tape holding the player up?

Well, I think that about sums it up.

I should probably apologize to the kids right now.

Their Papa is king of the jerry-rig and their momma has literally messed up Jell-O.

Did you know that tonic water has nasty-tasting quinine in it and is not a good substitute for sparkling water?

ME, NEITHER!!!!!!

So, in light of recent events, here is a small note for my kids.

Dear Kids,

I love you.  

Here are the things I promise to teach you in the coming years:

1)  Always have dishwashing tablets on hand.  

2)  Pay someone to come clean your oven.  Those things are dangerous.

3) While your oven is cleaning, have them do your laundry, too.

4)  And the dishes.

5)  There are many more uses for red solo cups than are traditionally considered.

6)  The coolest thing about quinine is how it’s spelled.

7)  Tape and aluminum foil can fix pretty much anything.  

8) Nevermind the packaging.  

9)  Should you ever feel domestically disinclined, it’s not my fault.

10)   It’s Papa’s fault. (Please see photographic proof above).

:)

SO, Are YOU a Domestic Hero or Zero?

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40 Responses to It’s Hard To Be A Domestic Heroine…

  1. Its 4:30 am here and my kids have just been screaming, so of course, I can’t sleep, and this is making me laugh out loud in my bed! Unholy angel cake-love it! And your dad’s makeshift straps for the DVD player. Classic. You should have called me about the tonic/sparkling water swap first: totally know about that one. It’s only good with vodka in it. (The sparkling water).

    • Chrissy- the correlation between “unholy” and “angel cake” was totally an accident. Must have been my sub-conscious…. :) I’m glad it made you laugh!!! I’ve never had tonic water with vodka in it- But, I’m not hopeful…that stuff was awful!!!!

    • Chrissy- It was this past week! If I were to guess, I’m sure your birthday is or was soon, too. haha!

        • Am I still a Leo? I heard the astrological charts changed and now I’m something else but I have no idea what. haha! The other question is what Chinese horoscope animal are you? I’m a rabbit.

  2. Can I please add ” Pay someone to do your laundry”. My poor kid has his very own scavenger hunt every day trying to find his clean clothes. Doesn’t rhyme with hero, but I’m like a domestic .75.

    And the sister with the cake has some true scouting tendencies!!

    • Tyuana- I updated the list for my kids and I added that. Of course, that belongs in there!!!! That cake was awesome- you should make it!

  3. Oh that’s great! These look like they could have come from my family. Every single one of them. I remember self cleaning my oven only to find out that it’s terrifying. And won’t open. And smokes. AND that when it’s all done and cool you still have to wipe out the ash (though it’s pretty well reduced to wipe off status). My grandmother made my grandfather promise her in 1945 when they got married that she would never have to wash out her oven. She never did. But the oven wasn’t self cleaning. I think it was replaced a couple more times than strictly speaking might have been necessary.

    • Jesterqueen- I’m so relieved it’s not just me!!!! Oven-cleaning is TERRIFYING!!!! I think your grandmother was on to something with just replacing the thing!

    • Heather- I managed to damage BOTH of my sister’s homes but free baby-sitting gives me great leverage. haha!

  4. Love it! What a great family you have. Clearly you all have a wonderful sense of humor. Another thing you have inherited, and will lilkely pass on to your lucky children.

    • Lisa- Thank you so much! We are fortunate- one thing that seems to always pop up is an opportunity to laugh at stuff and ourselves…

    • Rolando- It totally works! It saves us from episodes like you witnessed with the surprise cow mascot on craft day!

    • Haha, Desi- That is a good way to look at it! Heading over to check out your blog posts- How do you find the time???? Thanks for stopping by, busy woman….

  5. Never insult the laundry, Tricia! :)

    I love the self-cleaning oven thing. So much better than cleaning it out by hand. I do like the ingenuity of your family to use foil and tape for everything. Your kids are gonna fun adults for sure. Maybe even “funner” than you and your hubs. hehe

    • Mike- If you only lived closer. You could do my laundry and I could write posts using the word “shenanigans” as often as possible with link backs to your post on your fave words as payment. :)

  6. Did you mention the time you put oil in my lawn mower gas tank…..smoke-screened the entire neighborhood, oh well, needed a new mower anyhow! I do love my daughters and their….adventures !

  7. Wow, mailing tape and masking tape, who knew?! I was always a duct tape person, myself. Oh my God, woman – you’re hilarious. For the record, my mom used to use the oven as storage – because she’s allergic to baking and a 3 yr old Zuki decided to turn on the oven! Nothing like hot burning pots and pans.

    And thanks for the additional use ideas for Red Solo cups. Not that I would EVER bake cookies. The baking allergy is hereditary, apparently.

    • Nami- I agree. Duct tape is awesome!!!! I bet a bunch of smoking pots and pans would be hilarious! I wish you had taken pictures. haha!

  8. First, hysterical! As usual. We have many oven related smoke and fire alram issues her so I can so relate. Second, that cake looks awesome. Third, packing tape rocks! Your father is obviously a genius.

    Have a fun rest of the summer! Can’t wait to hear about your next domestic adventure!

    • Megan- haha! Cleaning an oven is a terrifying thing, indeed! Thanks for your comment! Love your recent book-activity posts!

  9. Pingback: {Play} How to Set Up Successful Sensory Play Activities | The Outlaw Mom (TM) Blog

  10. Sorry but am snickering. I noted posts back, when you mentioned the length of the family vacation. Thought then, ‘Oh one those posts are in the future’ an low and behold. Glad you survived. As for your dad -well if can’t be fix it with duct tape, postal tape or baling wire ain’t worth fixing up -am sure that’s what he would say.

    • Haha, Hudson! I didn’t even know this post was coming! :) I think you’re right about what my dad would say! Tape goes a long, long way to “secure” happiness and function!

  11. Always a great time reading your blog. Lets get together next time you are in San Antonio- we could bbq at my house….. if I could ever get it clean… haha

    • ha! Funny you commented here, Cynthia- I was just thinking about your post and how I should re-run it to inspire moms to get past their bad days! :) If we get up your way, we will definitely call you!

      • I have to admit the responses to my horrible week validated how great I have it now. Funny enough after my husband read it, he reminded me of a few other things that happened! To make sure we had gas, he siphoned out gas from the broken down car to put into the truck so we could make it the week! A few other bits of craziness too. We talked about it and laughed about just how horrid it was! Oh… fun times lol!

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