You’re Not Lying To Me. ARE YOU?

Today was a normal school day with all of the normal hurdles.

After my son and I engaged in our morning Starbucks ritual (me with a Venti Hot Chai Tea Latte-Nonfat, and him with a Kids Hot Cocoa with one ice cube-no whip), I dropped him off at pre-school and the rest of the day was a blur until bedtime.  The brief beverage time with him in the morning IS a relaxing part of any school day.

The only major change to our routine was that today was the day before the turning in of the science fair project tri-panels.

This involves some last minute taping, setting and question and answer periods which you hope your child will remember in 10 minutes.

When you have two children, and you are myopically engaged with only one of them, interesting things can happen.

As we worked with our daughter on her newest sight word “Hypothesis”, I realized that the house had become very, very quiet.

I stopped for a minute or so to just listen.

I had no idea where our 3 and a half year old son was in the house because there were no audible indicators of his location.

This is very odd.  Very, Very Odd.

So, I called him.


And there was a disturbing quietude.


Then,  I heard the cupboard door in the kitchen being shut carefully culminating in a very gentle, wooden “tap”.

There were Hershey Kisses in that cupboard.

There were many, many Hershey Kisses in that gargantuan, economy-sized bulk warehouse bag of chocolate.

“Son…Come here, please.”

His caped Super Hero silhouette appeared from around the corner.

His mouth was frantically masticating SOMETHING but I couldn’t see just what yet.  Maybe he was really in the healthy DIY snack station we’d set up.  Perhaps, he had been eating those cashews in the breadbox…..

“Son.  I said to Come Here, PLEASE.”

He walked slowly toward me.

I could see a telling brown dribble down his chin and shirt  that reflected a very cocoa-licious sheen.  It was not cashew-ey at all.

“Open Your Mouth.”

“WO,” he said.

His mouth was so full of Kisses that he couldn’t even get his tongue to touch the back of his teeth to make the “N” sound required to defy me for the chocolate abatis he had created across his bottom molars.

“Open Your Mouth, Son.”


“Son?  Are you eating chocolate?”

By this time, his saliva had effectively broken down the massive quantity of candy in his trap.  The only problem was that he had forgotten to swallow the now watery  mixture of liquified sugar, spit and chocolate that oozed out of his mouth with every word, onto his shirt and then onto the floor when he innocently said….

“Wo, Wom. I  WOH eawing awywhing.”

The whole time he spoke, unable to close his lips to form a coherent phonetic sound as his salivary glands worked overtime to deconstruct that candy, that Spit-Kiss cocktail dribbled off his little, fibbing lips.

I’m supposed to be mad….Right?

So, why is it that I had to look down at my lap so he wouldn’t see me trying not to laugh?

We talked about lying and not sneaking and asking for permission (and all of those things we must address as parents) to inculcate a sense of self-policing integrity that we are expected to extol.

But, I really, really can’t think about that drippy-brown conversation without smiling a little or a lot.

I think it’s because I know my son hasn’t reached a major milestone yet- and that milestone would be the one where he can look me in the eye, having concealed or transformed any incriminating evidence, and with conscious manipulation, lie right to my gullible face.

I believe I want to laugh during these moments, because he’s really, really bad at this lying thing.  He hasn’t grasped that ardently-delivered but contradictory words in light of indisputable evidence of abject culpability glare like the shredded Hershey Kiss wrappers at his feet.

Remember  the case of the crossed-eyes and the missing chocolate mini-eggs?


I believe this stuff makes us laugh because it IS  a little cute, and it is such a relief that our kids are still  innocent enough to not understand how to manipulate and lie convincingly just yet.

And, I’m pretty much banking on the idea that things are going to stay at this benign level for….well, for FOREVER.

It could happen.

In the meantime,my hubby and I  will keep perfecting our poker faces while we chuckle internally about this stuff.  I plan to do it for many more years.

Yes, we will do it for many, many more years…. just AFTER we put a sliding bolt on that cupboard door.





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22 Responses to You’re Not Lying To Me. ARE YOU?

    • Yes! Elaine- that is totally true- it isn’t the behavior- but it is the way they respond- and thank goodness for it! ha!

    • Aunt Angie- In that case, I’m going tto go on a trip and you get to watch my angel boy. haha! He really is, though- I love that kid. :)

  1. That’s so my daughter and chocolate! Funny!!! Yesterday I told her not to not tell me if she found chocolate and is eating it because it’s lying and I’m more mad about lying than eating chocolate :-) Love the description of your son’s attempt at fibbing!

  2. Sort of harder to discern when it’s Angry Birds Gummies, but the same discovery nonetheless. I avoid that by serving spicy ramen if they’re peckish.

    • I knew other moms had been through this same scenario, Nami! Spicy Ramen? I don’t think my kids coud handle that just yet-

  3. ‘For years to come’, you say. Hmmmm, Just how many years? -Myopic vision aside. I wonder, having said their good-byes and closing the door, how parents with grown children with families of their own, drop to the floor with belly rolling laughter as their children and grandchildren leave after visiting. Your (no I mean ‘they’re’ ) probably not even out of the driveway.

    • I think you may be correct, Hudson. But, I just can’t imagine being happy that my kids aren’t home. I actually can’t even bear to think of that yet. haha!

  4. :grin: Oh yes I love those moments. My youngest will look at me, evidence in hand / mouth / on face and say ‘I do nothing’ when asked what she was doing. Adorable.

    • Rebecca- goodness- I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to your comment! Chocolates on the Christmas Tree? haha! No way we would have any left at our house, either! But, I think the culprit would be my hubby! :)

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