Modern marketing is fascinating to watch at work in our children.
We went to a birthday party a few weeks ago and our daughter came away with some glittery tattoos all over her face. No worries, right? No worries until the weekend was over and it appeared our child would be going to school the next day with glittery lips on her forehead, cheeks and chin because….That. Stuff. Would. NOT. Come. Off!
As her dad and I scrubbed and scrubbed, rubbed soap and scrubbed some more, our daughter shouted in a thrilled and squeaky, artificial voice, “It’s Shimmer Glitter! It lasts up to 7 Days! You and your friends can create matching designs!”
By Day 4, her golden-lipped tattoos had been replaced with red blotches where she had scraped off the glitter and much of the epidermal layer. The healing has gone well.
And do you think I bought Shimmer Glitter Tattoos when I saw them in the As Seen on TV section of our local grocery store?
You betcha. That stuff works. But, tattoos on faces, furniture, food or animals are NOT authorized. It’s the responsible way to Shimmer Glitter.
But, on Thanksgiving Day, my husband and I were BLOWN away by our kindergarten daughter.
She is a new reader and has recently started trying to spell out words according to how they sound to her. After the feast, as we poured through Black Friday pamphlets, we saw her on the floor thinking very hard and writing something out. Once she finished, she brought this to us, her Letter To Santa:
At first glance, and before reading the text, I was a little confused.
I asked, “What is it, Honey?” and in my mind, I was hoping she would not say “An armadillo that was run over by a semi.”
When she told me what it was, the image made perfect sense- and appeared to be a very impressive rendition of those darned “Cuddle Uppets”.
She had seen that sing-songy commercial over and over again between Strawberry Shortcake episodes, of course.
Look at the text, please.
She asked for no help with this letter and her spelling attempts and explanations cracked us up and filled us with pride at the same time.
Here is the translation:
Dear Santa, I want a Cuddle Uppet.
When we asked why she wrote “Santa” like “Sedu”, she explained that it was because the letter “u” made the “uh” sound. That was the same reason she wrote “u” in place of the word “a”. It appears that we should enunciate our words more clearly around our kids. But, look at that word, “cudtllubbit” That is a phonetic masterpiece for a 5 year old who hasn’t even learned how to pronounce digraphs yet.
And, this prompted a post on the Critters And Crayons Facebook Page looking for a unicorn “cutdllubbit“ in our city.
I kid you not. I went into a local store and asked the cashier if she knew if they had any Cuddle Uppets in stock. She looked totally confused. And so, I said, “A ridiculous huge-headed puppet that looks stoned attached to a blanket”. And, the lady pointed to the back and said, “Aisle 5, on the farthest shelf”.
Can I just ask what look the designers of this heavily marketed plushy toy were going for with those droopy lids and giant blue under-eye bags?
My guess is that they were going for “sleepy” to keep with the whole “cuddle-while-you-snuggle-under-this-attached-blanket” idea, but the result is more like the “Official State Plushy for the 18 states who recently legalized medical marijuana.”
I mean, seriously. The hanging tongues are a nice touch, personally. Bravo, People.
This is either a a group of animals who ate some really relaxing brownies or they all just suffered simultaneous coronary strokes.
On my quest to find a Unicorn “Cudtllubbit” here and online, I have found some promising news.
The Cuddle Uppet designers must have gotten the memo that these things were really, truly, horribly un-cute and very creepy.
Just look at the what the Unicorn Cuddle Uppet looks like NOW…….
I believe I can co-exist with this thing under our roof.
Many of the Critters And Crayons readers who wrote in on the Facebook post in search of the Unicorn were also planning to buy their kids some Stompeez.
There is something intoxicating about Stompeez commercials for the pre-school and kinder set.
We have Stompeez.
Our son thinks he has Alligator Stompeez.
The company who made them thinks they are Dragons.
I actually think they look like Frogs.
Our daughter thinks she has Unicorn Stompeez.
The company who made them thinks they are Unicorns.
I actually think they look like Bug-Eyed Hippopotami.
But the real point of this post, other than lauding our daughter’s newfound phonetic-piecing skills, and showing intense appreciation that we are now in the market for Cutdllubbits after they all finally got out of rehab, is to ask if it might be possible for us to stop trying to engineer Super-Popples or whatever the recent multi-purpose plushy craze is about?
A strange cross-pollination of inanimate soft things seems to be happening…a cross-breeding of The Cozy And The Sometimes Bizarre has created an entirely new (and very expensive) marketing niche geared toward our children.
Santa’s going broke on this stuff.
Just look at the Frankenstein Toys that have popped up in the last year:
Pillows and Stuffed Animals:
…and then those Stuffed Animals mated with Slippers (Pillow Pets Slippers), Hats ( Pillow Pets Hats), and Shirts (Pillow Pets Apparel), Blankets (Pillow Pets Blankets), and Night Lights (Dream Lights Pillow Pets)
Plushy Toys and Transformers:
Blankets and Puppets:
Disco Balls and Blankets:
The Bright Light Blanket
Pillows And Pop-Up Toys:
And Even Books and Pillows….
I really am expecting that in another year, all of these plushy items will be rendered obsolete, because they don’t do everything at once: Glow, Flash, Pop-Up, Wrap, Transform, AND Bounce.
So, that is my prediction, Folks. You heard it here first.
Soon, we will be looking for Glow In the Dark “Cudtllubbits” that have built in LED Flashing Lights that turn off in 15 minutes, that wrap you like a blanket or fold into a pillow with a built in constellation projector that transforms into a bouncing ball…or a book. That will be the “It” Toy on shelves next year.
And before anyone thinks….”Hey! That sounds like a great idea!”….Please. Please. Please. JUST STOP IT.
SO…..WHAT IS AT THE TOP OF YOUR CHILD’S CHRISTMAS LIST THIS YEAR?
Ladybug Light: http://www.overstock.com/Baby/Cloud-B-Twilight-Ladybug-Constellation-Night-Light/6047979/product.html?cid=202290&kid=9553000357392&track=pspla&adtype=pla&kw=%7Bkeyword%7D
Unicorn Pillow Pet: http://mypillowpets.com/shop/rainbow-unicorn/
Dreamlites Pillow Pets: http://www.asseenontv.com/detail.php?p=371776&SESSID=9d1023ede1737648207ea53edbef0cdc
Happy Nappers: https://www.happynapper.com/
Cuddle Uppets: http://www.toyblankets.com/
Bright Light Pillow: https://www.brightlightpillow.com/
Bright Light Blanket: http://asseenontvlol.com/bright-light-pillow/
Silly Slippeez: http://www.sillyslippeez.com/
Unicorn Cuddle Uppet 1: http://www.gohastings.com/product/TRENDS/CuddleUppets-Magic-Unicorn/sku/289191910.uts
Unicorn Cuddle Uppet 2: http://images.amazon.com/images/G/01/toys/detail-page/c26-B008DLS2SU-1-s.jpg
Cuddle Uppets: http://www.asseenontvguys.com/cuddleuppets-blankets.aspx
Pillow Book: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jJKyfJIPgrU/UEuV-hFabLI/AAAAAAAAABo/tjfBYRGD9Vc/s1600/1.jpg