A Week Of Parenting: The Before And After Photos

May 21, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

It has been a busy couple of months and there have been a lot of projects being tossed back and forth. It’s really cut back on my ability to write about all of the funny things that really do happen every day.

This is a photo run-down of our Week of Parenting.

As with all things in our universe, our week in parenting starts with one constant, and that is THE LAUNDRY.

THE “BEFORE”

After getting that pile under control using the technique that I wrote about on Scary Mommy in The Myth of The Super Mom, it looked pretty ugly, but it was finally folded.

Sometimes, I just let the laundry sit in neatly organized bins once it’s been cleaned and dried. It’s the folding that I loathe. I’m really doing my kids a service.

If you are lazy enough, spirit-sucked enough, or otherwise looking for a unique way to justify NOT finishing your own laundry, feel free to do what we do, and pretend those laundry piles serve an actual, developmental purpose.

You can read about how my laundry pile encourages play HERE.

THE “AFTER”

OK, this photo was taken before this past week, but I’m including it because it’s relevant to the ups and downs of being a parent on any given week.

I visited a friend who just had her newborn baby. She’s a precious, sweet, little thing.

I was reminded of what it would be like if I had a newborn, again.

When you have a BABY, you can be sitting contently feeling like you are Super-Mom, or Super-Mam (if you are nursing), in one moment……

THE “BEFORE”

And you can be quickly reminded that you are not Super-Mom, Super-Mam, The Baby Whisperer or any other superlative that implies you know what you are doing.

Look at this child.

Her TOES are mad.

THE “AFTER”

As our children grow from stages like the one above, we start to feel wistful as we remember their chubbier, tinier days.

We look at photos and scrapbooks and wonder whether we’ve been present enough, or if we’ve done the best by them that we could.

We promise to do so if we realize there was some lapse or failure in that quest to be a conscious parent. We also remember how our little girls posed so innocently for PHOTOS WHEN THEY WERE TODDLERS…

THE “BEFORE”

And then our baby girls learned how to cock their hips out, with the slimming arm pose at the very young age of 5?

You realize, that even though you don’t pose in your photos like that, all of those waif-y models in magazines at the grocery store DO.

This gives you troubling rumination material for the rest of the week about the premature exposure to provocative images that might impact your daughter’s self-valuation and reliance on temporary and superficial beauty traits before she even enters the first grade.

Then, you long for the days of random infant tantrums (see photos above) so you can start over and put horse-blinders on your girl-toddler for all grocery store trips so that your 5-year old will pose for photos like she’s actually 5 years old and not Eva Longoria on the cover of Vogue.

The truth is that you’re not ALL that worried about it, but you tell yourself you are, because you would otherwise have time to fold that laundry pile that’s pro-creating like a bunch of randy fruit-flies. (See photo above.)

THE “AFTER”

But, eventually, you run out of things to do that help you put off completing that soul-sucking laundry task and you GET THE LAUNDRY DONE. AGAIN.

WAHOO!

THE “BEFORE”

And then, you realize that you have 3 more loads ready to go in. AGAIN.

**&%$#@##^$**

THE “AFTER”

So, you start that whole dysfunctional laundry cycle anew.

You walk up to the play room and see that your kids have been engaging in some very cool fort-building and dramatic play!

“My kids are so smart and creative!” you think.

THE “BEFORE”

You walk a little closer to see what masterpiece is under construction by your Little Renaissance Progeny.

And….Um….

I have absolutely no freaking idea what to make of it, either, folks.

But, I’ve decided it’s okay to blame the grocery store magazine rack magazine covers for this one, too.

THE “AFTER”

One day, if you are lucky like me, your husband offers to LET YOU SLEEP IN, and he takes the kids in to school.

He’ll need your mini-van but you can take his sedan, he says. No problem!

But, when you open his car door, you are met with a couple of dirty, dessicated Longhorn skulls in the passenger seat.

This happens to everyone, right?

THE “BEFORE”

I didn’t think much of it, until I saw about 6 spiders of various sizes crawling in and out of the skull’s eye sockets on my way to an appointment.

When I sent my husband a message asking “WH…WH…WH…WHY????!!!!!!???” with copious interrobangs (that is what you call a combo of question marks and exclamation points), and explained the spider infestation of his car, his response cracked me up,

“DON’T TOSS ‘EM! I NEED THEM FOR A PROJECT!!!!!”

My hubby’s Man-Project came out pretty well, I must admit.

Although, I haven’t decided if it will be allowed inside the house just yet. I’m waiting on the “All-Clear” order from our pest control guys.

THE “AFTER”

And there are always TEETHING MILESTONES that we parents get to witness like we did this week!

We get to look forward to being the cool parent who helps to expertly extract a loose tooth.

My dad used to tie a string to an open door with the other wrapped around my tooth.

Then he’d slam that door.

It was totally cool.

THE “BEFORE”

But, as with most expectations and plans, things don’t always work out like you think you will. (See Angry Baby Toes Photo above).

We didn’t help our daughter’s loose tooth out at all. It fell out on its own.

Sorta.

We were at a celebratory graduation party with friends and children. As we were all enjoying some relaxing banter and sangria, our daughter ran out to us profusely bleeding from the mouth.

Everyone panicked thinking she’d been horribly injured.

Nope.

Turns out she and another kid were playing “Crocodile” and she bit her to make that role-play more convincing.

There were no teeth marks, of course.

That was a technique for tooth-extraction I had not considered. I’ll have to stock that one away or submit it to a Tooth-Fairy-themed blog round-up.

THE “AFTER”

And that brings me to the end of our parenting week in BEFORE & AFTER photos.

If you think this post is long, you should just thank me for deleting all the other photos I originally uploaded.

But, I’ll close out on the positive note.

There were moments in the past week (and WE ALL HAVE THEM) where things just weren’t going great for Mom.

As a matter of fact, they might have even seemed to be going NOT GREAT.

But, here is what is so interesting.

At one very moment when I was actually giving a lot of thought to the NOT-GREATNESS of a particular thing, THIS happened RIGHT OVER our house.

Really, it totally happened.

I watched my kids dance underneath it as the rain started to come down again, barefoot on the sidewalk so that they wouldn’t miss it before it ran away.

And, it reminded me that…..

SOME DAYS ARE LIKE LAUNDRY: UN-GREAT, TEMPORARY AND MAYBE EVEN RECURRING.

BUT THE PRIVILEGE OF PARENTING THROUGH DAYS LIKE THAT IS PERMANENT, GOOD, AND BEAUTIFUL.

THE “BEFORE”

And, then I walked back into the house and saw this.

THE “AFTER”

I HATE LAUNDRY.

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The Creepiest Easter Bunny Ever

March 31, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

We waited in line playing “I-Spy” for 45 minutes to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap at our local mall.

We opted to pay the $35 by choosing the cheapest package that gave us a CD.

They take your order BEFORE you get up to sit in his lap.

Smart Strategy.

Our photos were terrible.

So terrible, I won’t even post them here.

But, it could have been worse.

I felt for the hopeful parents whose daughters were in the prettiest pastel pink ruffled dresses, with meticulously twisted, pinned and braided hair, secured with specially matched fabric hair bows.

I felt for the parents because they not only stood in line for more than an hour to find out that their children were terrified of the bunny, but now they weren’t even going to get a good photo after all that ornamental work!

The little faces of their daughters were gruesomely contorted, tears were running down their faces, drool was now blending into all the shiny sequins on the front of those little Easter cardigans.

A little boy did the “wet noodle” and used the Easter Bunny’s face as leverage to kick off in an attempted somersault over his persistent father’s head.

One determined father attempted to preserve this mandatory family photo by restraining his 3 year old daughter in a strait jacket grip using his biceps to hold her still. She took the photo screaming and looking in horror at the Easter Bunny to her right while her daddy smiled that cheesy smile.

I wonder if they paid the $35 I did.

Ah, well. It’s a sort of right of passage, I suppose.

Take this photo for instance:

That’s my little sister more than a couple of decades ago.

And is that NOT the creepiest bunny you’ve ever seen? I mean, really.

REALLY?!!?!!

Really, Dad?!!!

But, then again.

I think, perhaps, my dad is pretty smart.

Ugly, Deranged Zombie Bunny or not.

I’m pretty sure he snapped this shot for free.

And, he didn’t stand in any lines.

And he didn’t force us to smile.

Although, it’s troublesome that my little sis was so willing to stand next to that thing.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WOULD YOU STAND NEXT TO THAT THING?

HAPPY EASTER!

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How To Avoid Being A Piñata Event Failure

March 8, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

One thing I have noticed about living on the U.S./Mexico border is that people take their piñatas seriously around here.

No, really.

This is serious business. You’ll see what I mean.

Growing up, I’d seen images of piñatas and even whacked a couple, but I remember they seemed much smaller than the ones we’re accustomed to seeing nowadays. The little rainbow burro piñata I remember swatting was probably the height and width of the bunny ears on the gargantuan piñata you see below.

That photo was taken at a party last year and that’s our daughter getting ready to go to town on the thing.

To show the scale of these behemoth piñatas, here’s a Dora The Explorer piñata that towered over another party’s diminutive guests.

And, here’s another: a Cinderella piñata taller than the 6 year old birthday-girl.

Do you see?

People in these parts actually make these things! With vigor!

But, back to that giant bunny piñata…

I recall a note I received from a friend of mine whose son became distressed because the head of the paper mache giraffe he’d been playing with for weeks leading up to his birthday party had been summarily whacked off with violent zeal during the party.

It was the first party he’d ever had with a piñata. That giraffe had become his buddy. And, just like that! BAM!!! It was missing a head. Forever.

My friend wrote to me and said that she now always recommends that young kids receive piñatas in “non-living shapes” to avoid potentially stressing the child out.

This reminded me of some parental banter about the logic and messaging of the piñata event for a young child.

In conversations with another mother, I learned that there are parents and even psychologists, that are uncomfortable with the encouragement-to-violence embodied in a piñata. You can read about that HERE.

Basically, the idea that a young child would be encouraged to hit something by authority figures, who routinely discourage the hitting of anything in any other circumstance, coupled with expectation that the child should aggressively decimate something made in the image that he or she loves WOULD seem to send a sort of mixed signal to a kid.

That may be true for some.

My friend’s son’s experience with that poor, decapitated paper giraffe DID SEEM to support that theory.

But, again, let’s get back to that giant bunny piñata and our very girl-y, very fashion-y, very dainty 4-year old.

She didn’t seem to struggle too much with hurting that massive crinkly bunny.

She didn’t seem to bear any of those afflictions or psychological aversions to executing something in the image of living thing.

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m just too subjective in my reading of her body language and facial expressions as her mother.

What do you think?

But, back to the seriousness of the piñata event.

You can see that the sheer size of these things and the creative work that goes into them is big business.

I hear that along the Mexico side of the Rio Grande, one of the reasons that there is not an abundance of the invasive specie of cane that plagues the U.S. side of the Rio, is because the piñata-makers actually use the abundant cane to supply the recurring demand.

But, when you live in a place where piñata events are a sort of party-rite for children, it is not surprising that many venues actually have built-in piñata cages like this one at a local pizza place.

There are even signs on the cage letting patrons know that the party place may provide the cage, the rope, the pulley system and the pizza, you better remember to bring your own piñata stick, Buddy.

Piñatas are so prevalent that they are even considered to be a sort of nuisance for many venues whose contracts for use explicitly state what TYPE of piñata can be used.

For instance, contracts for use of HOA-run pavilions (also known as palapas) and city-run parks specify that piñata messes must be cleaned up or that confetti-filled piñatas are not permitted.

But, enough about that.

Let’s get into the real meat of this post- and that is to describe the many, empirically-defined ways that you should (or more importantly, how you should NOT) run a piñata event should you decide to give it a go.

For many people who grew up in a piñata culture, running the event probably doesn’t seem like a logistical or logical nightmare.

If you grow up around piñatas, you probably know what you are doing.

It really IS probably a no-brainer. It’s probably like remembering to bring spoons for the ice cream and forks for the cake.

Even if you lack a hook, a stick, or a rope, you’ll probably know how to improvise, adapt and overcome in a way that makes you still emerge a Piñata Hero.

But, I will also show you in photos and pictures, that for those people who do NOT grow up attending piñata events every few months of our lives, that throwing a seamless piñata event is actually a sort of science.

Seriously. It’s like the mystical-type of science that almost looks like voodoo magic to the ignorant pupil on the first observation.

Let us begin with some of the things you need to watch out for, shall we?

First and foremost, you should be sure that you do not purchase cruddy, little, pull-string piñatas from the local party or grocery store.

Let us please forget what it appears that Batman is doing to Spiderman in the photo. That is just a snickering aside for the juvenile adult males at the party.

The REASON that there are two piñatas, in the first place, is because we realized that just one would be insufficient for the number of clamoring children who would be there.

Do you see the little ribbons dangling from the bottoms of the piñatas?

Those are NOT decorative accessories like I, and other moms and dads as you will soon see, believed when we purchased them for twenty-five bucks each.

Those are “pull-strings” intended to be yanked so that kids don’t need to beat the crap out of the things.

This goes back to that discussion of the parenting philosophy of non-violence. If you know you are buying a pull-string piñata and you do so for moral reasons as a piñata-event conscientious objector, then “Rock On, And Good For You For Sticking To Your Figurative And Non-Violent Water Guns!”

But, if you have children older than the age of 3, the odds are not good that you really meant to buy a pull-string piñata.

And the reason I know this is because even a 4-year old will look at one of these things and think, ardently and out loud, that you are a lame parent.

Furthermore, these particular types of pull-string piñatas also come with a handy little opening receptacle in the back that facilitates rapid candy flow with the slightest tap.

This means that when a child DOES hit the pull-string piñata because you didn’t know you bought a pull-string piñata (forget that we bought TWO), that all the candy will start to fall out by the time the second kid in the 30-kid line gets to even step up.

The photo above was actually taken recently at another birthday party.

You should note that the mother of this little boy purchased THE EXACT SAME Batman pull-string piñata that I had a year earlier.

When I saw it sitting on her table, I told her about what we’d learned the year before.

“Oh! I thought those ribbons on the bottom were for decoration!” she laughed.

I know, right?!!??!

So, the time came to hit it, and they strung it up by the little tab the piñata came attached to from the store to a limbo bar because no one had a rope. Or a hook.

The birthday boy was first in line.

He hit it once.

Another piñata fail, folks.

The funny thing is that I was standing next to a couple of hispanic women who had lived in Laredo their entire lives.

I told them that we had made a similar mistake the previous year, and we bought the same piñata, and the same thing happened.

They said, “Ha! We were just talking about that! We were laughing about the pull-string piñata. And the limbo bar. And the missing rope. And…”

I’m going to get to the part where I tell you how to run a successful piñata event.

But, first, I am going to tell you what else has gone wrong at our piñata events, and here goes:

We forgot to buy a piñata stick. Actually, we didn’t know they made sticks expressly for that purpose, but we see them everywhere now for about 10 bucks.
So, we brought our daughter’s plastic, electronic Snow White broom. It played “Whistle While You Work” as you made sweeping motions. Well, it DID play that song until it broke in half on the second swing of the Batman-Spidey piñata event.
Someone’s kid played tee-ball so a friend retrieved a BASEBALL BAT from his car for us to complete the event.
This is not recommended.
Ever.
When the second child in line got up to swing the baseball bat (did I tell you that was a bad idea?), the piñatas crashed down because the HEMP TWINE that I took out of my craft kit BROKE in half. Apparently, you’re supposed to use rope or something.
So, while the kids waited in line for another 5 minutes (with 28 more kids left to get a whack and we were on kid number 2 still) and my husband quadrupled up that craft twine and re-hung the piñatas which continued to shake out candy with every movement.
We got to Kid #3 and one fell swoop later with that baseball bat that, thankfully, did not cause any prolonged concussions, those pull-string piñatas were COMPLETELY OBLITERATED.
One girl started bawling.
I mean, REALLY BAWLING.
When I asked her what was wrong, she wailed, “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!!!!! YOU’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!!!!!!!”
Wailing.
More Wailing.
Essentially….we sucked at that piñata event.
I mean…A LOT.

If you are a visual person, here’s a picture I drew of what it was like.

But, no worries.

I recently polled Critters And Crayons readers for suggestions about how to run a successful piñata event.

You can see their excellent suggestions HERE.

In a nutshell, make sure you:

Buy a REAL piñata
Lay a tarp down for easy clean-up
Use a real rope
Make sure you have a piñata stick
Hand out treat bags before the event
Have a person manage the piñata line and safety zone
Smallest kids go first
Give the kids just 3 strikes
Sing the “Dale! Dale! Dale!” song
Have extra bags of candy to shake out in case you need more or little ones don’t get enough

Easy right?

But, probably one of the greatest challenges to any piñata event is always going to be where to hang the thing.

There aren’t always trees with sturdy branches, or large hooks and pulley systems for parents to use.

Some people attempt to overcome this challenge by standing on a chair and they actually hold the piñata themselves for a child to indiscriminately swing at it. The Batman in costume in the photos above ended up trying that. He was saved because the candy all fell out of that pull-string piñata by Kid #3.

Regardless, The Stand-On-A-Chair-And-Hold-The-Piñata Solution is a bad one.

It’s a bad idea because even a giant by human proportions would not have sufficient arm-reach to ensure a safety zone that could prevent the sterilization or shattered knee caps of any male victim who agreed to stand on that chair with arms outstretched holding that candy-filled demon.

The bad-idea-ness of this “solution” is further exacerbated if the child is either 1) wearing a blind-fold, or 2) swinging a baseball bat (Um. Again. See above image based on true events).

If all of those factors have been brought to bear, then really, a merciful party-goer should just summon the paramedics as soon as the first child starts swinging.

But, let’s get back to where and how to hang a piñata when there really doesn’t appear to be any place to suspend the thing.

We have learned that, around here, there really are NO EXCUSES for messing this tiny detail up when you are a seasoned piñata event do-er.

And, here’s how I know that.

Look at this photo.

That gigantic cowgirl piñata is hanging from a rope that has been stretched to a rooftop up on the left.

Do you see that?

People, that rope is not secured by a nail, or a knot, or any other inanimate thing.

This photo was taken at a friend’s birthday party and that gargantuan piñata is suspended from a rope that is stretched between a rooftop and an 8-foot cement wall in my friend’s backyard.

My friend sent PEOPLE (as in Willing Human Beings) up on that roof and on that wall to HOLD THAT ROPE so that they could make that piñata event happen.

Don’t believe me?

Seriously, there were dudes yanking on both ends of that rope, one wearing shoes with excellent traction up on a slanted rooftop, so that they could provide a child with a real and successful piñata experience. They made the thing bob up and down as the kids swung at it WHILE LITERALLY DEFYING DEATH ON BOTH ENDS OF THAT ROPE.

Every once in a while we’d see one of the guys look like they were going to lose their balance and careen to the ground. As arms flailed and eyes widened to see how it would end, party-goers cheered when the rope-holders regained their balance to start yanking and pulling that piñata for the next kid to start pounding on it.

Is this not serious stuff?

Again, for the folks who are better with visuals versus reading verbose blog posts, here’s my artistic rendition of that “really happened and there were witnesses to prove it” event:

And do you know what?

Do you know whose party that was?

Remember the little girl who was wailing at our awfully-executed piñata-event?

It was totally her party.

No wonder!

It all made sense!

She must have been, like, “LOOK, MAMA! THERE ARE LOTS AND LOTS OF PERFECTLY GOOD ROOFS FOR THESE PEOPLE TO POSSIBLY FALL OFF OF TO STRING THAT THING UP PROPERLY! WHO USES PULL-STRINGS??? A TOY BROOM? A BAT? NO ROPE?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? WAIT A MINUTE……ARE THOSE RAISINS???? BAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

I’d have wailed, too, if I had known we were being measured against this rooftop/wall-balancing event standard.

Do you see what I mean about piñata events being serious business around here?

Death-defying. They are death-defying.

It doesn’t get more serious than that.

But, now, I think we’re ready to try again and maybe, armed with all of this non-intuitive and pain-forged knowledge, we’ll pull off a piñata event without issue.

The good news is that even if you run a bad one, the end state generally is the same.

Unless you or one of your party guests comes from a family where all the uncles are trapeze artists, rope walkers or who are otherwise simply unafraid of dying in order to make the piñata event a booming success.

Then, there may be tears and wailing and you should just wear a badge that says “Yes. I’m A Piñata LOSER” .

Wear it with pride that you were also the best.

You were the best failure at the piñata event imaginable.

Congratulations.

Congratulations that you sucked so bad that you made a little girl cry.

We’re all supposed to be good at something in this life.

May as well be that.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, PARENTS!

LET US KNOW HOW YOUR ADVENTURES WITH THE GIANT PAPER MACHE BEASTS GO!

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Kindergarten Homework Doesn’t Lie

February 15, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

One of the most intense changes to a family routine comes when a child starts kindergarten and homework begins.

There is an adjustment period for most parents and children to figure out how to balance this new task with the other life demands.

I have actually started to look forward to doing homework with our daughter because it can be a truly funny episode.

I mean, really, really, really funny.

It’s funny if you know how to laugh at yourself and it’s funny because the child’s answers to his or her homework can give us parents another glimpse into a growing mind’s perspective.

One of the first times we experienced humor when reviewing our daughter’s homework answers happened when she was asked to draw a picture of the word “CAP”.

I wrote about that HERE.

Please note the crushed left end of this particular “cap”.

To our child’s knowledge, the thing that goes on a person’s head was only ever called a “hat”.

The thing Mommy always told Daddy to stop losing in the food disposal was called a “cap”.

Our daughter had another telling homework assignment when she was learning about how nouns are persons, places or things. She was asked to illustrate a few.

Can you tell where Mommy likes to go with the kids?

But, my favorite piece of homework just came home.

We have been laughing for days over this homework.

I pinned this baby to the refrigerator, even.

Take a look at this assignment which innocuously asks our 5-year old daughter to draw some more persons, places or things.

Can you spot the funny part?

Don’t worry.

I didn’t, either, at first.

I DID think it was cute that our daughter put “Laredo” as a place and then drew a picture of the Texas flag.

And, I also noticed she had drawn a stick figure of her brother playing with a truck on the floor which I thought was adorable.

So, I asked her about it….

“Oh! You drew your brother playing with his monster trucks!”

“YEAH!” she said. “He’s always playing with those!”

But, she went on to explain the rest of the images.

“AND YOU, MOM! YOU ARE ALWAYS COOKING! SO, I DREW YOU WITH AN APRON!!!”

I had totally missed that when I looked at the”Mom” picture she had drawn.

But, I could see it now.

And, finally, the “Dad” picture description came….

“AND, DAD??!! DAD LOVES TO REST!!! HE LOVES TO REST SO I DREW A GIGANTIC PILLOW UNDER HIS HEAD!!!! SEE????”

Shall we take a closer look at that kinder masterpiece?

If you missed the pictorial details, here is a little photo analysis for you:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

My husband and I have been collectively guffawing over this picture since she explained it to us.

And, in defense of my hubby, he does work pretty hard in his day job.

When he gets home, it is not odd for him to want to kick back in the recliner and relax for a little bit, which is what I think inspired this hilarious photo.

He really doesn’t rest ALL of the time.

He is actually the primary homework-monitor/helper.

This makes this little homework gem deliciously ironic.

I mean, this picture is simply delicious.

So, that beauty sits on our fridge (and it will do so with bountiful hematite magnets to ensure it never drops between the Bermuda Triangle abyss that exists between the refrigerator and kitchen counter where it could disappear forever.)

When my hubby and I are alone in the kitchen, I point to it.

And, we laugh some more.

But, for some reason, I’ve noticed a new pattern of behavior.

He feels compelled to fix something.

Even if he already did the dishes, took out the trash, helped our daughter with her homework and gave the kids a bath.

Something’s gonna get some fixing.

And, I’m not complaining.

This would be the “UP” side to kindergarten homework, folks.

So, pay attention to what your kids write and draw.

Seriously, there could be some really good stuff in there.

WHAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING YOU’VE SEEN WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR KID’S HOMEWORK?

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I Quilled Superman

January 16, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

We’ve dabbled in origami and tissue paper crafting but I’ve been intrigued by “Quilling” (kind of the art of twirling paper fancily) ever since I first saw it featured last April,on the The Outlaw Mom’s Blog as part of her “CRAVE IT. COVET. LOVE IT.” Series.

So, I bought all the stuff the craft store aisle implied I needed by its mere presence in the “quilling” section and promptly stuffed my own stocking with it.

Our son’s birthday party is coming around AGAIN and he wants another Super Hero party. We love themed parties and we love Super Heroes so we’re looking forward to this one after last year’s!

You can go here to see what it looked like (The Pinnable Post). And you can go here to read about all of the funny stuff that happened at it (The Un-Pinnable Post). :)

This year our 4-year old son is the primary Super Hero Instructor at his own personalized Super Hero Training Academy. That post will be out sometime next month. :)

We always try to create our own activities and props which saves a lot of money and also gets the kids excited and invested in their parties in the weeks leading up to the big celebration of their arrivals.

I reasoned that this was as good a time as any to try to learn to quill and make a Super Hero sign for our front door.

So, I sat down last night, read the instructions, messed up a few coils and then completed my very first quilling project!

He’s not perfect by a long-shot.

And, I don’t really have any tips or tutorials for you other than it takes a few screw-ups to figure out how to get the coils where you want them at first.

And, there is an art that I have not yet mastered that enables one to emplace glue in a way that doesn’t smudge or crust or ruin the effect.

I didn’t have a template- just an image in my mind of my little boy, wearing his beloved Clark Kent curl and his cape (which is why his initial is on the front of the costume)- so all I can tell you is that I built the image as I went and then just filled up the empty space between the coils.

No real plan.

See how easy this is?

I only offer this up to you to show you that you can create some pretty cool stuff

if you’re willing to just dive in and screw up a few coils with sticky fingers before making something you love.

I was “Super” intimidated by the look of quilled art before breaking out the tools- which explains why it took nearly a full month to just open the packaging and read the instructions.

Our son is just tickled at this paper rendition of him.

It isn’t pristine at all. There are definitely some amateurish flaws- but to our little boy, it is just perfect.

And, I am well aware that my lack of a template or clear artistic vision resulted in a bouffant resembling the fuzzy turban of one of Queen Elizabeth’s Palace Guards, or perhaps the image is less Superman and more Napoleon Bonaparte in his jammies….but, I only had two goals when I set out to make this for my little boy:

1) Learn How To Quill and

2) Quill a Clark Kent Curl

There is our son at the local kids’ hair salon where he asks for “The Clark Kent” haircut and they totally give it to him.

And here is how I “Quilled” Superman’s curl to match my baby boy’s:

There is still a lot of learning to be done when it comes to paper crafting- but I have to say, I think quilling may have just become a new hobby. (Because I need another one of those).

Just, whatever anyone does, DO NOT buy me crochet needles or sewing machines or woodworking or distressing tools. :)

I AM TOTALLY INTERESTED IN LEARNING ABOUT YOUR HOBBIES!!!

WHAT ARE THEY?

DO YOU DIVE IN OR DO YOU RESEARCH THEM OUT FIRST?

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Sledding Is Why We Made Snow Angels

January 14, 2013
Posted by critters and crayons

We’ve been traveling up into the chilly Northern Parts, where sub-zero temperatures prevail, icicles resemble deadly stalactites, and Rock Salt and Calcium Chloride are sold in abundance at every corner drug store and grocery.

New England Icicles

We had a fantastic time and took advantage of the snow to show the kids what fun could be had on the slopes.

What kid wouldn’t love to go sledding?

This was a bonding time, an opportunity to teach the kids some old-fashioned outdoor fun like we used to have before Leap Pads and Wiis . This would be a memory-making event, and one that we couldn’t replicate along the Southern Border with mild Winter temps resembling a chilly Spring or lengthy frostless Autumn.

We were so excited to be the sledding mentors to our children- to show them how great a time could be had…..

Woooooooooo! Doesn’t that look AWESOME????!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

But do you know what?

Our son was not impressed.

He was actually the opposite of impressed.

I tried to figure it out as I plucked the ice balls and snow that had become matted to our pre-schooler’s face during the high-velocity frosty deluge.

We hurriedly brushed the freezing stuff from behind his ears and down his sweater.

He vehemently refused to go back up that hill.

He preferred to make snow balls and igloos and snow angels at the base after this run.

I don’t get it.

Maybe he’ll see how awesome sledding is NEXT year?

HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT HOLIDAY SEASON, TOO!

DID YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANY FIRSTS?

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Dignity Is Cheap When Your Christmas Presents Are Irregularly Shaped…

December 6, 2012
Posted by critters and crayons

Here’s a letter I wrote to my father tonight, once I finally finished packing for our flight home for the Holidays.

I would have been done much sooner with the packing were it not for all of my Faceboo-Kronastinating.

I came up with that neologism while Blo-Gronastinating.

And, I came up with that one while….. Okay. I will stop.

But, you may use my new words should the need arise.

Once the kids were in bed and I could really hit the task of packing all we would need in a cold climate and for weddings and entertainment and snacks medicine and toiletries and everything else we have to stuff into a couple of insufficiently sized bags, I realized I had a problem.

I felt like Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, only the mimicry in my mind was saying “Dallas. We’ve Got a problem.”

So, I thought about how to fix this problem.

And, then I wrote this letter to my father.

Dear Dad-

I have room for everything except for your Christmas/Anniversary Gift….I’m not saying I’m your secret santa or anything because I may or may NOT be.

But, we live in Cowboys Country so when the kids and I saw this ridiculous thing months ago, we KNEW we HAD to buy it for Papa, the Ultimate Cowboys Fan living in a veritable Sea of Washingtonians.

But, now- with spatial constraints where I must choose between the gifts we must take to bring back home, winter coats, or wedding stuff, I am coming up short.

And, I can’t mail the thing because it requires an irregularly shaped box.

This is not your average, run-of-the-mill foam Ultimate Fan sports finger.

Nope, this thing has a 3D finger that is 8 inches long that towers over the solid and un-bendable foam thumb with the circumference of an orange resting atop a voluminously un-stuffable, un-foldable, obnoxious base.

This thing is very Texan.

So, Dad- Do you know what your daughter is going to do for YOU?

I’m gonna wear this thing home.

I’m gonna put it on my fist, because my shoulders will hold purses and 50 lb carry-ons while dragging overstuffed luggage with my one free hand while hollering at two little kids to keep up while they collapse under the weight of their own over-stuffed carry-ons.

The good news is that I’m pretty sure that it will give me an extended reach so they can at least hold an over-sized blue finger across airport traffic while we dodge other family caravans, busy business people and motorized, beeping go-carts plowing through the aisle-center with conviction to bowl us over like human bowling pins.

But, I’m gonna wear that foam finger, Dad.

I’m gonna wear it through Security.

I’m gonna put it in a bin.

It’s so big it might need to just go on the conveyer belt without a bin, Dad.

So, I’ll put it on the conveyer belt and then I’ll load 15 bins with electronics, shoes, liquid-carry-baggies, carry-ons, purses, and jackets.

I’m gonna watch as TSA scans that thing to make sure that there are no concealed devices or other dangerous items. They’ll bend those surprisingly un-bendy fat fingers to see if they contain anything harmful. And, then they’ll let me on my way, to walk through the airport to our gate.

And, then we’ll get there, and we’ll use that foam finger as a giant, uncomfortable pillow, Dad.

When it’s time to board, I’ll use it to hand the flight attendant our boarding passes between those over-sized knuckles and then we’ll find our seats, while I bop every one of the First Class passengers in the head like dominoes on our way to our seats where the people all around us will pray that the lady with the giant foam finger and two little kids isn’t gonna sit next to them.

Oh, but she IS.

And, then I’ll stuff that giant blue sporty finger into an overhead bin (because it is highly irregularly shaped…did I mention that?). I’ll try to shut it but that finger’s gonna get stuck and so I’ll keep slamming the overhead bin shut as if it worked the first 20 times I tried it. So, then I’ll move someone’s bag and they’ll get mad and tell me to take my finger out of their bin.

Dad, do you see how much I love you, Dad?

And, then….Then, once we’ve finally landed in Redskins Country, after a very arduous flight while I and the kids drooled on this very bumpy and highly un-fluffy Cowboys travel pillow, we’ll de-plane.

We will risk bodily injury, jeers and insults as we scurry to baggage claim wearing this monstrously big thing.

We’ll do this all for you, Dad.

And do you know what is the funniest thing about all of this?

I don’t even know how many points your favorite team scores when they kick that ball through that field post-thingy.

And, folks are gonna think, from Texas to DC, that I am a Cowboys Nerd.

But, I’m not, Dad. Am I?

Here’s the thing.

My dignity

It’s worth a lot less than USPS, FEDEX, or UPS charges to ship irregularly shaped packages.

And the kids are young enough to still think I’m cool no matter what I do.

And, so here I am.

I’m all packed, Dad.

We’re on our way.

I’ve just gotta unplug the electronics, water the plants, turn off the AC and the lights, set the alarm, lock the door, and put on this gigantic *^&$%^#&* finger.

See you soon!

Love you!

AND…

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Tricia

For another post about what how traveling by air changes for a lot of us once kids enter the security line, check out:

Life Before Kids. Life After Kids.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

AND, HOW DID YOU SAVE MONEY ON SHIPPING COSTS THIS SEASON?

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Dear Santa, I Want A Creepy Puppet Blanket And…

November 30, 2012
Posted by critters and crayons

Modern marketing is fascinating to watch at work in our children.

We went to a birthday party a few weeks ago and our daughter came away with some glittery tattoos all over her face. No worries, right? No worries until the weekend was over and it appeared our child would be going to school the next day with glittery lips on her forehead, cheeks and chin because….That. Stuff. Would. NOT. Come. Off!

As her dad and I scrubbed and scrubbed, rubbed soap and scrubbed some more, our daughter shouted in a thrilled and squeaky, artificial voice, “It’s Shimmer Glitter! It lasts up to 7 Days! You and your friends can create matching designs!”

Shimmer Glitter

By Day 4, her golden-lipped tattoos had been replaced with red blotches where she had scraped off the glitter and much of the epidermal layer. The healing has gone well.

And do you think I bought Shimmer Glitter Tattoos when I saw them in the As Seen on TV section of our local grocery store?

You betcha. That stuff works. But, tattoos on faces, furniture, food or animals are NOT authorized. It’s the responsible way to Shimmer Glitter.

But, on Thanksgiving Day, my husband and I were BLOWN away by our kindergarten daughter.

She is a new reader and has recently started trying to spell out words according to how they sound to her. After the feast, as we poured through Black Friday pamphlets, we saw her on the floor thinking very hard and writing something out. Once she finished, she brought this to us, her Letter To Santa:

At first glance, and before reading the text, I was a little confused.

I asked, “What is it, Honey?” and in my mind, I was hoping she would not say “An armadillo that was run over by a semi.”

When she told me what it was, the image made perfect sense- and appeared to be a very impressive rendition of those darned “Cuddle Uppets”.

She had seen that sing-songy commercial over and over again between Strawberry Shortcake episodes, of course.

Look at the text, please.

She asked for no help with this letter and her spelling attempts and explanations cracked us up and filled us with pride at the same time.

Here is the translation:

Dear Santa, I want a Cuddle Uppet.

When we asked why she wrote “Santa” like “Sedu”, she explained that it was because the letter “u” made the “uh” sound. That was the same reason she wrote “u” in place of the word “a”. It appears that we should enunciate our words more clearly around our kids. But, look at that word, “cudtllubbit” That is a phonetic masterpiece for a 5 year old who hasn’t even learned how to pronounce digraphs yet.

And, this prompted a post on the Critters And Crayons Facebook Page looking for a unicorn “cutdllubbit“ in our city.

I kid you not. I went into a local store and asked the cashier if she knew if they had any Cuddle Uppets in stock. She looked totally confused. And so, I said, “A ridiculous huge-headed puppet that looks stoned attached to a blanket”. And, the lady pointed to the back and said, “Aisle 5, on the farthest shelf”.

Can I just ask what look the designers of this heavily marketed plushy toy were going for with those droopy lids and giant blue under-eye bags?

My guess is that they were going for “sleepy” to keep with the whole “cuddle-while-you-snuggle-under-this-attached-blanket” idea, but the result is more like the “Official State Plushy for the 18 states who recently legalized medical marijuana.”

I mean, seriously. The hanging tongues are a nice touch, personally. Bravo, People.

This is either a a group of animals who ate some really relaxing brownies or they all just suffered simultaneous coronary strokes.

CuddleUpPets Blankets

BUT WAIT!

On my quest to find a Unicorn “Cudtllubbit” here and online, I have found some promising news.

The Cuddle Uppet designers must have gotten the memo that these things were really, truly, horribly un-cute and very creepy.

Just look at the what the Unicorn Cuddle Uppet looks like NOW…….

I believe I can co-exist with this thing under our roof.

Thank Goodness.

Many of the Critters And Crayons readers who wrote in on the Facebook post in search of the Unicorn were also planning to buy their kids some Stompeez.

There is something intoxicating about Stompeez commercials for the pre-school and kinder set.

We have Stompeez.

Our son thinks he has Alligator Stompeez.

The company who made them thinks they are Dragons.

I actually think they look like Frogs.

Our daughter thinks she has Unicorn Stompeez.

The company who made them thinks they are Unicorns.

I actually think they look like Bug-Eyed Hippopotami.

But the real point of this post, other than lauding our daughter’s newfound phonetic-piecing skills, and showing intense appreciation that we are now in the market for Cutdllubbits after they all finally got out of rehab, is to ask if it might be possible for us to stop trying to engineer Super-Popples or whatever the recent multi-purpose plushy craze is about?

A strange cross-pollination of inanimate soft things seems to be happening…a cross-breeding of The Cozy And The Sometimes Bizarre has created an entirely new (and very expensive) marketing niche geared toward our children.

Santa’s going broke on this stuff.

Just look at the Frankenstein Toys that have popped up in the last year:

Pillows and Stuffed Animals:

Pillow Pets

…and then those Stuffed Animals mated with Slippers (Pillow Pets Slippers), Hats ( Pillow Pets Hats), and Shirts (Pillow Pets Apparel), Blankets (Pillow Pets Blankets), and Night Lights (Dream Lights Pillow Pets)

Plushy Toys and Transformers:

Happy Nappers

Balls And Teddy Bears:

Squishables

Blankets and Puppets:

Cuddle Uppets

Disco Balls and Blankets:

Bright Light Blanket

The Bright Light Blanket

…And Pillows:

Pillow Lights Automatically Change Between These 5 Glowing Colors! Red, Blue, Yellow, Green & Multicolor

The Bright LightPillow

Pillows And Pop-Up Toys:

PLAL197

Stompeez

Silly Slippeez

And Even Books and Pillows….

Pillow Books

I really am expecting that in another year, all of these plushy items will be rendered obsolete, because they don’t do everything at once: Glow, Flash, Pop-Up, Wrap, Transform, AND Bounce.

So, that is my prediction, Folks. You heard it here first.

Soon, we will be looking for Glow In the Dark “Cudtllubbits” that have built in LED Flashing Lights that turn off in 15 minutes, that wrap you like a blanket or fold into a pillow with a built in constellation projector that transforms into a bouncing ball…or a book. That will be the “It” Toy on shelves next year.

And before anyone thinks….”Hey! That sounds like a great idea!”….Please. Please. Please. JUST STOP IT.

SO…..WHAT IS AT THE TOP OF YOUR CHILD’S CHRISTMAS LIST THIS YEAR?

***********

Image Credits:

Ladybug Light: http://www.overstock.com/Baby/Cloud-B-Twilight-Ladybug-Constellation-Night-Light/6047979/product.html?cid=202290&kid=9553000357392&track=pspla&adtype=pla&kw=%7Bkeyword%7D

Unicorn Pillow Pet: http://mypillowpets.com/shop/rainbow-unicorn/

Petjamas: http://www.asseenontv.com/petjamas-plush-pillow-toy-cover/detail.php?p=369724&v=toys

Dreamlites Pillow Pets: http://www.asseenontv.com/detail.php?p=371776&SESSID=9d1023ede1737648207ea53edbef0cdc

Happy Nappers: https://www.happynapper.com/

Squishables: http://www.havesippywilltravel.com/2011/11/squishables-get-yours-here-adorable.html

Cuddle Uppets: http://www.toyblankets.com/

Bright Light Pillow: https://www.brightlightpillow.com/

Bright Light Blanket: http://asseenontvlol.com/bright-light-pillow/

Stompeez: http://www.stompeez.net/Default.asp?bhcp=1

Silly Slippeez: http://www.sillyslippeez.com/

Unicorn Cuddle Uppet 1: http://www.gohastings.com/product/TRENDS/CuddleUppets-Magic-Unicorn/sku/289191910.uts

Unicorn Cuddle Uppet 2: http://images.amazon.com/images/G/01/toys/detail-page/c26-B008DLS2SU-1-s.jpg

Cuddle Uppets: http://www.asseenontvguys.com/cuddleuppets-blankets.aspx

Pillow Book: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jJKyfJIPgrU/UEuV-hFabLI/AAAAAAAAABo/tjfBYRGD9Vc/s1600/1.jpg

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10 Tips For The Bi-Polar Cloud Dough Disorder (BPCDD) Sufferer

October 22, 2012
Posted by critters and crayons

Here, you will find 10 Tips for the Bi-Polar Cloud Dough Disorder Sufferer.

This is a post about those Powdery White Bins of Sin and the love-hate relationship that mess-embracing moms, teachers and bloggers the world-over struggle with.

If you have BPCDD, don’t despair. More people have it than let on and there is help.

It is this post.

And you must read it.

Now.

Or you, your kids and your home will be greasy.

Very greasy.

Forever.

Bi-Polar Cloud Dough Disorder.

Bloggers and Moms and Teachers all over the world have it.

Yes. We. Do.

We love the white powder that moisturizes better than cocoa butter.

It’s other deceptively innocuous names: Snow Dough, Homemade Moon Dough, The Permanently Moist Powder That Never Needs Covering?

It’s cheap.

It’s made of pronounceable things.

It proves that we are fearless people willing to clean up the seemingly un-cleanable.

While other moms are buying Color Wonder products for their fifth-graders, we’re literally diving in headfirst into a greasy, messy abyss.

We do it. We photograph it. We definitely blog it.

And, guess what.

We clean it up, too.

At least we try to do that.

And darn if that greasy stuff really CAN be un-cleanable.

We love this stuff, the stuff with an ironically angelic name.

It’s the dichotomy between shunning the mess-averse lifestyle and wishing that it was a substance that responded more favorably to heat, the passage of time, water or laundry detergent.

Made of just flour and baby oil, it acts like wet sand, but feels like supple velvet.

We loved it so much last year, that I ran a post about how we don’t just DO cloud dough, we do it in an oversized under-bed bin.

But, that wasn’t BIG enough. So, we tripled it for our Super Hero Party and made Super Dough. THREE underbed bins each full of 50 lbs of flour and about 10 lbs of baby oil each. It was lain out on a tarp for a bunch of toddlers through kindergarteners to enjoy. And, enjoy it, they DID.

My Best Blog Buddy, Chrissy, of The Outlaw Mom Blog, has been banned from making it ever again in her own home. And, apparently, that is because she was unable to spray the solidified white masses off of their outside deck as promised. We had the same experience over the Summer at my sister’s home. The chalk drawing sprayed away nicely. The overnight Cloud Dough clumps that morphed into super-glue? Not so much.

DO I KEEP TAKING THIS STUFF OUT FOR MY KIDS TO PLAY WITH?

You bet.

Irrationality Is A Major Symptom Of BPCDD.

I DID run a post immediately after my Super Hero Party post in full disclosure about the Humor In a Birthday Party and our 180 lbs of cloud dough was a major contributor to some great laughs. This is the post where the AUTHENTIC images of cloud dough appeared: Kids in black costumes, swimming in the heavenly-but-devilish stuff. There were coagulating mounds strewn outside of the protective tarp which would eventually form solids that defy torrential rains, industrial lawn-mowing devices, and twice-daily sprinkler systems (to this very day) on the Homeowners Association-Regulated Playground Lawn.

You didn’t think I’d do this on my OWN lawn, did you?

Making Cloud Dough Other People’s Problem Is Also A Symptom of BPCDD.

Anyway- here is the best example of BPCDD I can come up with. Behold, the disparity between Cloud Dough representations between two posts I ran on the reprehensibly irresistible stuff last year.

As you can see, Bi-Polar Cloud Dough Disorder (BPCDD) can also be confused with another potentially tragic ailment: Schizophrenic Blog Disorder (SBD).

At the end of that Super Hero Party, a few of my friends’ kids were sad to leave those bins of cloud dough.

So, I gave some of them little baggies of it to take home.

Of course, my friend was super excited about it!

She’s Portuguese. I am pretty sure that she’s giving me the local symbol for “THANK YOU!!!!”

And with joy in my heart from having helped another mom with her cloud dough deficit, I exclaim, “YOU ARE WELCOME, MY DEAR FRIEND!”

It has been some time since I posted about the virtues of cloud dough. So, I will disclose that the reason for this post on my own struggles with BPCDD stems from some recent notes and messages from friends and readers who were beginning their Cloud Dough journeys.

I received a Facebook Note like this:

And, so here is a rough list of tips for my friend and for you, forged through greasy-glued-together clothing and sheets:

If you are the desperate person in Tip # 10, I have nothing for you.

You should burn your home down and dip your children in vats of vinegar.

But, seriously, once you re-locate and are ready to return to the Moldable Powder of Sin, here’s my last tip. Go to the craft store and buy a scrapbook box. It’s small and shallow, square and covered.

The amounts inside will be manageable and it will all fit nicely on a beach towel in your kitchen.

Even if it all gets dumped, your fight or flight instinct won’t launch your joints reflexively into the cowering fetal position.

So, don’t sweat your BPCDD.

Embrace it.

It happens to the best of us.

Now, who is up for a messy cloud dough play date?

Alright!

What’s Your Address???!!!

HAVE YOU TRIED CLOUD DOUGH YET?

PLEASE! SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE!

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You’re Not Lying To Me. ARE YOU?

October 17, 2012
Posted by critters and crayons

Today was a normal school day with all of the normal hurdles.

After my son and I engaged in our morning Starbucks ritual (me with a Venti Hot Chai Tea Latte-Nonfat, and him with a Kids Hot Cocoa with one ice cube-no whip), I dropped him off at pre-school and the rest of the day was a blur until bedtime. The brief beverage time with him in the morning IS a relaxing part of any school day.

The only major change to our routine was that today was the day before the turning in of the science fair project tri-panels.

This involves some last minute taping, setting and question and answer periods which you hope your child will remember in 10 minutes.

When you have two children, and you are myopically engaged with only one of them, interesting things can happen.

As we worked with our daughter on her newest sight word “Hypothesis”, I realized that the house had become very, very quiet.

I stopped for a minute or so to just listen.

I had no idea where our 3 and a half year old son was in the house because there were no audible indicators of his location.

This is very odd. Very, Very Odd.

So, I called him.

“Son?”

And there was a disturbing quietude.

“SON??!!!”

Then, I heard the cupboard door in the kitchen being shut carefully culminating in a very gentle, wooden “tap”.

There were Hershey Kisses in that cupboard.

There were many, many Hershey Kisses in that gargantuan, economy-sized bulk warehouse bag of chocolate.

“Son…Come here, please.”

His caped Super Hero silhouette appeared from around the corner.

His mouth was frantically masticating SOMETHING but I couldn’t see just what yet. Maybe he was really in the healthy DIY snack station we’d set up. Perhaps, he had been eating those cashews in the breadbox…..

“Son. I said to Come Here, PLEASE.”

He walked slowly toward me.

I could see a telling brown dribble down his chin and shirt that reflected a very cocoa-licious sheen. It was not cashew-ey at all.

“Open Your Mouth.”

“WO,” he said.

His mouth was so full of Kisses that he couldn’t even get his tongue to touch the back of his teeth to make the “N” sound required to defy me for the chocolate abatis he had created across his bottom molars.

“Open Your Mouth, Son.”

“WO!”

“Son? Are you eating chocolate?”

By this time, his saliva had effectively broken down the massive quantity of candy in his trap. The only problem was that he had forgotten to swallow the now watery mixture of liquified sugar, spit and chocolate that oozed out of his mouth with every word, onto his shirt and then onto the floor when he innocently said….

“Wo, Wom. I WOH eawing awywhing.”

The whole time he spoke, unable to close his lips to form a coherent phonetic sound as his salivary glands worked overtime to deconstruct that candy, that Spit-Kiss cocktail dribbled off his little, fibbing lips.

I’m supposed to be mad….Right?

So, why is it that I had to look down at my lap so he wouldn’t see me trying not to laugh?

We talked about lying and not sneaking and asking for permission (and all of those things we must address as parents) to inculcate a sense of self-policing integrity that we are expected to extol.

But, I really, really can’t think about that drippy-brown conversation without smiling a little or a lot.

I think it’s because I know my son hasn’t reached a major milestone yet- and that milestone would be the one where he can look me in the eye, having concealed or transformed any incriminating evidence, and with conscious manipulation, lie right to my gullible face.

I believe I want to laugh during these moments, because he’s really, really bad at this lying thing. He hasn’t grasped that ardently-delivered but contradictory words in light of indisputable evidence of abject culpability glare like the shredded Hershey Kiss wrappers at his feet.

Remember the case of the crossed-eyes and the missing chocolate mini-eggs?

I believe this stuff makes us laugh because it IS a little cute, and it is such a relief that our kids are still innocent enough to not understand how to manipulate and lie convincingly just yet.

And, I’m pretty much banking on the idea that things are going to stay at this benign level for….well, for FOREVER.

It could happen.

In the meantime,my hubby and I will keep perfecting our poker faces while we chuckle internally about this stuff. I plan to do it for many more years.

Yes, we will do it for many, many more years…. just AFTER we put a sliding bolt on that cupboard door.

*****

Image Credits:

Abatis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abatis

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